It is really hard for me to believe my first month on my World Race is over.
God has been teaching me something this past month. Sometimes I think I know exactly what it is, then I realize I don’t.
This past week during ministry, Lizi and Andrew were speaking at the village. I can’t remember all they said, but I do remember God spoke to me.
Even though we don’t always realize it, when we preached to these Indian people we’re also preaching to each other.
Lizi shared the story of Abraham and Isaac. When Abraham took his only son up the mountain to sacrifice him because that’s what the Lord asked him to do. He climbed the mountain with his only son in faith that God was going to show up. And because of his faith, Isaac was saved.
Andrew talked about sacrfice and what he had in his life he was holding onto, he had to let it go to follow the Lord.
God spoke to me in that moment. He pointed out how much pride I have in the things I own, in my family, and my home. He told me what I was holding onto, what was holding me back from following the Lord.
I know I hold onto so much. I am prideful about my house. I’ve spent the past 22 years living there. I love that I can wake up to my parents every morning and have breakfast with them.
I love being able to call my friends and family whenever I want to, have conversations that last however long, and see them as often as possible.
I love my bedroom with my purple bed spread, two dressers, two closets, and two sink polk-a-dotted bathroom. I love the carpet in my house, it’s so soft you can nap on it.
That’s when it hit me. God doesn’t want me to have all of that.
And I cried because I want it.
But what I want isn’t what God wants. And in my heart I understood that I am going to have to give everything up and follow him alone. I want to say that I can still live in my house and neighborhood and be around the people I know. But I also have this feeling that God wants something more from me.
He wants me to give up everything I know. He wants me to let it go, get rid of my pride, and sacrifice it all to him. I have written so many blogs about this subject, but He teaches me about this over and over again.
Many people said before I left that I was going to fall in love with a country while on my race, come home, and go back there to live. That I would fall in love and never come back.
I didn’t want to receive that and I still don’t want to believe it.
But it was when Andrew and Lizi were talking that God told me he might just do that. He might just place me somewhere I can’t forget about, a place that feels like home and my home will just feel like a place I grew up.
I’m writing this and realizing how hard this is going to be. My heart breaks because I cannot imagine being in a place in my life where I could let go of it all.
So, I am processing through. I am working it out. I am letting go little by little. I haven’t given it all to my Father, but I will.
In his perfect timing he will reveal his plan for me. He will show me how to let it all go. He will show me his goodness. He will break my heart for a country, a village, a town, a people that I obviously belong to.
Mom & Dad, I am want to apologize to you for having to release me these 11 months to the Lord and now saying that you’re going to have to give me up again when God calls me to his plan.
But then I think, these past 22 years of growing up in your blessed house, God knew what he was doing. He taught you how to raise me, to put up with my attitude, to discipline me, to ground me, to guide me, comfort me, and to love me.
He knew exactly when I would be born and exactly when you would release me to be completely his. He knew exactly the attachments I would have and the ones you would have too.
And so, I cannot apologize because we are all on this adventure together. We are all fighting one battle, running the same race, chasing the same God, pursuing his Kingdom.
You aren’t left behind in this matter, you’re joining in with me. You’re support is most important here. Your release is most important.
