Recently, I’ve been having a hard time opening my Bible.
Before I left for the Race, I had this idea that during the
next 11 months I would never have spiritual issues like this. I was wrong.
Just because I’m on a mission trip, living out the will of
God for my life right now, doesn’t mean I won’t struggle.
I just wanted everyone
to hear that missionaries aren’t perfect, we aren’t always on a spiritual high,
we don’t always feel like we’re growing spiritually, and we don’t always
believe what we’re doing makes a difference.
One of the kids we home school this month.
It’s was so weird to me, the thought that I couldn’t open my
Bible. It was almost as if each time I tried, I’d open it and see a foreign
language written on the pages. I would hear, “You won’t understand what you
read anyway, why try? The words are too big for you to understand. You can’t
figure out the meaning behind the sentences, the parables, or the proverbs. �
Then I’d shut it and move on.
The Bible became intimidating to me. My time with the Lord
became doing my Bible Study work book (I’ve been doing Jonah by Priscilla
Shirer) and only reading what she’d ask so I could answer the questions. Then
I’d just pray and journal.
Don’t hear me wrong, this quiet time is okay. Praying and journaling
and doing this Bible study is worth it and so great. But there was a bigger
issue that was happening I wasn’t dealing with.
Did you read the lie, the whisper I gave in to? I was
listening to the lie that I do not have wisdom, I am not smart, and I don’t
know enough.
That is not from the Lord. In fact, that’s completely
opposite of what God says. How do I know this? Because God’s word says it!
Scripture memory is an important part of our walk with God.
It helps in our times of doubt and attack to quote what is true. And so when this
battle was going on in my head, a sermon and teammate reminded me of Matthew
7:7-8.
Ask and it will be
given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the
door will be opened to you.
The sunset God blesses us with each night.
Do we realize the power and authority Jesus gives us in this
verse? Ask for anything and He’ll give it to us. Ask for understanding and
wisdom (a spiritual gift) and He’ll give it to me.
Here’s the thing though: ask is in the present tense. It
doesn’t say ask one time and it will be given to you. It doesn’t mention how
many times to ask actually. So, we must keep asking, keep seeking and keep
knocking.
And so that’s what I’ve done. Also, I’ve been doing Bible study with some of my teammates. They have been reading the word with me, helping me along. Community. It’s a good tool in the battle against the enemy.
We let the lies talk us into selling ourselves short. We cannot give
into him and let him tell us where our identity lies. Our identity is in Jesus
Christ, ruler of every power and authority. We are sons and daughters, chosen
and loved.
