Already, three days into Launch, God is growing me.
The last night in DC before we launched, we worshiped. For some reason, I couldn’t feel the Lord. I knew there was a wall up in my heart, but I didn’t know what it was or why it was there. I didn’t know how to get rid of it, but I could only continue to worship him with all I had to offer.
And I keep thinking about my physical problems. I have IBS and I am lactose intolerant. I have sought the Lord about this.
It took me a few years, but I eventually asked God for healing inside of me. When all of it was first going on, I didn’t believe in the kind of God that heals. Now, I do, but I still have problems.
I went and prayed with my squad leader Melina. I shared with her about my IBS and not being healed. I also shared about the wall. She hugged me and began to listen to what the Lord was saying about me. Then she shared, and here is my summary.
“Aubree, have some grace on yourself. It’s okay to have walls, it’s okay to feel distant from God.
I don’t know what it is, but there is something bubbling up inside of you. Something big inside is going to happen on this race.
He calls you his fireball and loves you so much.
He can’t break the down the whole wall right now because you are too dangerous, so in his timing the walls will come down.
He is breaking them down piece by piece, so wait for Him to do what he wants.
Thank him every day for healing you. He heard you the first time you prayed and asked for healing. You are healed, so thank him.”
I was crying at this point. But I had to ask, “So, I thank God even though I am not healed yet?”
Honestly, I didn’t understand why I would thank him when I hadn’t been healed.
Melina, so full of grace in her answer when I doubted said, “Yes. You are healed, it is just not manifested inside of you, but you are healed. So thank him and praise him.”
And then, as I usually do, I received his overwhelming peace.
His peace that let me know it was okay I had walls.
His peace that let me know he is going to carry me through IBS on the race. In his perfect timing it will manifest itself inside of me. It might not be right now, tomorrow, next month, or while I am still on Earth, but I will still honor God and give him thanks.
I will be honest and admit it is hard sometimes to do that, to trust him again and again even when I don’t see I am healed physically.
It’s worth it.
