i didn't want to do this.
i didn't want to go.
i didn't want to leave China.
i didn't want to commit to being single for another year.
i didn't want to carry a huge bulky backpack.
and i definitely DID NOT want to ask people for money.
- In September of last year, God put it on my heart that I needed to surrender my life to missions.
What is missions?
To me, missions is going out to the places that most do not desire, it is working in tiresome, unattractive, and at times, dangerous places. It is serving others, it is loving others, and it is enabling people to see the light that we each have the opportunity to shine. It is showing love in actions. It is getting dirty, living with little, and making sacrifices in order to reach out to the "least of these" the less fortunate, the broken, the poor, the empty. It is living a life of truth and being able to share that truth. It is knowing the good news but not being afraid to tell it.
- September was a struggle. I was in constant prayer. I wanted to go to back to the USA.
- In October of last year, the decision for me to stay in China was made. I was excited, nervous, proud, anxious, and ready.
- In November, all of the steps for me to stay in China had been taken.
Company contract signed.
Promotion received.
Round trip ticket to visit my parents for Christmas, purchased.
13 months worth of birthday presents, wedding presents, graduation presents, and Christmas presents packed in 2
suitcases and ready to go.
Negotiations with Landlord of my apartment in progress.
- 5 days before I fly back to the USA; landlord sells apartment out from under me.
New Apartment search begins in a city with 20+ million people.
2 different districts, 4 different realtors, 16 apartments, 10 miles of walking in 1 day.
Housing prices have gone up $100/month.
It is freezing outside.
Exhaustion, stress, agitation and worry set in.
Constant Prayer.
I feel all alone. I didn't want to stay. I decided to stay. I was ready to stay. I was excited to stay.
- 2 days before my flight departs, God tells me "pack your things…you are going to the USA" (through prayer, through scripture, through more prayer; I received this direction)
1 apartment.
4 friends.
5 suitcases.
2 taxis.
1 day.
1 day to pack over a year of my life into some bags. 1 day to give my company notice. 1 day to say goodbye.
To say I was confused would have been an understatement. Why so sudden? Why was I literally just plucked and flicked. Why do I have to go back to…nothing. Where will I live. What will I do. What do you want from me. Why didn't I get to say goodbye.
I know someday I will understand.
i came back to iowa park, texas- population: 6,000. my parents do not live in city limits.
i have no car. i have my brother's college bicycle that changes gears when it pleases.
i have an iphone but it only works in wifi because my number is chinese.
today my iphone quit working altogether.
i am always on the go. i love being active. im spontaneous. im always doing something. the 17 hour flight home enabled me to pray for patience. patience to not go stir crazy. patience to be okay with being 5 miles from a town of 6000. patience with my parents since i moved out for the first time when i was 17.
God gave my parents satellite tv for the first time in my lifetime.
God gave me understanding parents that welcomed me back home.
God gave me a father who continuously shows me that hard work pays off.
God gave me a mother that encourages me.
God gave me parents that make me laugh.
i am 'staying' with my parents. i am single. i am 25. i have no job. i have no car. i have no phone. i have not lived in this city in 5 years. i can count available friends on one hand. i have to listen to criticism. i have to answer the question "what are you going to do now" over and over again. i have to answer "why did you come back" with 'i wish i knew!' i am applying to numerous jobs around the world. i am interviewing. i am getting tons of offers. i am hearing the words 'Be Still.' after 4 months of applying, interviewing, negotiating – i know that i must be patient. i am learning humility. i am being faithful. i am being obedient but it's hard.
in the middle of March, i realized that china would have been too easy. doing missions through my work would have been simple. my apartment was just too nice. i had tons of great things. my friends were the most reliable friends ive ever had. my colleagues were fun. god doesn't always call us to be comfortable and for me, china was just that.
at the end of March, i applied for the worldrace. 2 weeks later i was accepted. i would have to give up my nice things. i would have to live out of a backpack. i would have to work with people i may not mesh with. i would have to remain single for another year. i would have to get dirty, be vulnerable, and probably eat rice (which i despise). i would have to be uncomfortable. worst of all, i would have to ask people for money.
i have always been very independent. i put myself through college. i have never asked my own parents for money. if i had the money to fully pay for my trip, let me just tell you; i wouldnt hesitate to write the check. however, i do not have the funds. i mailed out 150 letters. i have emailed 200 letters. i have posted and will continue to post on facebook. i am having fundraisers. i am selling bracelets. i am sharing my testimony.
i pray that god lays it on your heart to support me. i hope that you can see i am making tiny sacrifices in comparison to the ones that have already been made for all of us. i want you to know that ill do whatever it takes and if that means watching your 5 kids or mowing your lawn in 100° temperatures; ill do it, gladly. i thought the lessons on patience, humility, and obedience would be hard; but for me, dependence has been the hardest.
so if you read this. if you wondered what i was doing. if you wondered what i have been doing. if you thought it was strange that i would post annoying facebook status'. if you wondered if i was making any sacrifices. if you wondered if your donation would be of any value. if you wondered if it was worth sponsoring me. if you wondered if $5 dollars could make a difference. i just want you to know; im praying for you, i need your help, i need financial support, and i am already grateful for those who have, are, and will give to enable me to go on this journey.
i have met my first deadline of $3500 ($1800 being my own money). i am beyond grateful to anyone and everyone who has, is, and will donate. i love you guys so so so so much. more than words. I have to raise $15,500 just to stay on route and I have to raise another $4500 to cover the costs of vaccinations, international insurance, national flights, gear, etc. i have a detailed expense sheet of every single cost and will happily send it to anyone who wants it. i just want you to know; i will go on this trip. i am dedicated. i am grateful. i am trying to be obedient. i am trying to stay positive. i am trying to not be embarrassed. i am trying to see the light at the end of this tunnel. i am trying to let go of trying to be in control. i know i cant do this alone. i know god will provide. i am already grateful for what he has provided. i have contemplated standing on a street corner and begging.
if you can in any way, shape, or form; please help me. if 500 people gave only $40, i would be fully funded. if you want to do it online click the SUPPORT ME tab. if you want to email me: [email protected]. if you have paypal you can transfer money to family/friends for free and my id is [email protected]. if you've already said you would make a donation but haven't, please do so. if you are trying to decide if this is a good place to put your money, pray about it. ill be waiting.
philippians 4:19
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