We believe in many things as humans. We believe in that of which we do not know and that of which we do not understand. We believe in the feelings we have as well as the feelings we believe are there. We believe in the sun because we see it and yet, we believe in the wind even when it is unseen. We believe in that of which we see and that of which we don't. Believing…it's a funny thing, eh? What makes us believe in one thing yet completely slash out another? What makes us believe in some things we do not see while losing control in the belief of things that we don't?
I haven't been raised to believe in miracles. I wasn't raised in a religion or faith or belief that miracles happen especially miracles in healing. Don't get me wrong, I learned and heard and saw miracles that were a result of my own parent's life but those were just 'different miracles' if that makes any sense at all. I believe the sickness that consumes someone's body can disappear, I believe people can walk with legs that have not stepped alone in years, and I believe that hearts can be completely renewed and freed. I believe in these things because all of these things have happened to me. You see, I was sick and I am now well, I could barely walk alone and now I can run, and last but not least, my heart was consumed with darkness and pain that overwhelmed my life with sorrow and now…well, now my heart is filled with peace and joy and love, so much in fact that I am now living a life giving it because now I have an uncountable amount to give. I have been healed and it is a miracle. So…what miracles or what kind of healing is hard to believe? The bigger kind… the kinds where metaphors or reasoning or science cannot explain. The kind where people who are physically blind can see with their eyes for the first time in their lives, the kind of healing where cancer completely vanishes from a body that was in the 4th stage, the kind of healing where new growth appears, growth that was never visible before, and where people who are constricted to a wheelchair since childhood can literally stand up and walk on legs that should not have the strength or ability to do so.
These are the miracles I struggle with.
These are the 'healings' that seem unlikely or impossible or even ridiculous. These are the miracles I wasn't aware existed or perhaps, just wasn't apparent of their existence.
I will tell you of how I went to metaphorically believing in healing to literally believing and trust me, it wasn't and still isn't something that is easy for me to even 'believe' happened…even though it did.
September 6 was just like any other day; only this time I am in the wee country of Ireland where the sound of leprechaun accents embellish lovely English words and where people look like my relatives because just like many Americans, I like to think I'm Irish. A place where the crisp and cold air caresses my face as the sun hides amidst the flocculent clouds. A random raindrop trickles from the roof and lands on my cheek as I enter the Scout Hall of Coleraine, the very place that I will be laying my head for the next month during my stay in Ireland.
I take a seat and begin listening to a man who speaks of miracles, specifically miracles of healing and try to put reasoning behind each and every example he gives. He then asks some volunteers if they have one leg shorter than the other and prays specifically for two different people while holding their feet. The words "The leg grew before my eyes" was mentioned numerous times by various observers. "Ohs" and "Ahhs" echoed throughout the room and if not for my inherent self awareness, my own eyes might have rolled. The thoughts "he was pulling on the opposite leg" "they were sitting at an unequal angle" or even "people see what they want to see" were cascading through my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love miracles and I love the idea of miracles just as I love to be healed and love the notion of healing; but faith in these things is easier said than done. As I sat there…with my reasoning and questioning and restricted sense of belief, I waited for something bigger or better or something that would actually be more real and that a sense of proof could support. About that time, the speaker asked if there was anyone in the room with a back problem and as hands went up, I looked around to see what next distressed victim he would 'heal.' Someone by the name of Jeffrey Balance was chosen; this certain someone just happened to be a team member of mine and a leader of the group I have spent the first few months with. This is someone I have worked alongside and have seen how much pain and havoc his back has given him during the days of construction and also one of the very few people who I can say I truly trust. A 20 lb bucket of rocks shouldn't be a difficult task for a man standing 6'3 and weighing 225 to pick up, but I remember the days when he didn't have the strength to bend over and if he did, excruciating pain would go throughout his weakened spine that was supporting his entire build. Just like those days, I call to mind the humorous nights we spent watching YouTube videos of chiropractic adjustments so that I could learn and hopefully help Jeff's back find any form of relief, even if it was small.
Jeff sat in the chair and I saw as he hoped with all of his heart that this was real too. You see, just like myself, he too had a sense of disbelief. I sat there…waiting…the words that create prayers began to be spoken over Jeff's back. My heart began to pound as I saw Jeff's eyes squeeze shut. After just a few moments, the speaker told Jeff to stand and see if he felt anything different. The room was silent.
Jeff, still sitting in the chair didn't move an inch.
My heart continued pounding as my mind desired to believe.
Jeff's eyes filled with tears and in that moment, the tears alone were proof of what I was hoping for and waiting to see.
Jeff didn't even need to stand before all of the years of skepticism fleeted from my understanding.
"Oh ye of little faith" was painted along the walls of my mind as the words "Unless you see signs and miracles happen, you people will never believe…" comforted me in knowing that I was not and am not alone in my lack of faith.
This just happened. Jeff cried but not cries of sorrow or pain; tears dropped as a result of hope and healing and love. Amusingly, God healed me in that very moment as well. He unlatched the areas of my heart that had become conned in a captivity of disbelief, he reconciled my mind to see more than what meets the eye, and he enabled me to acknowledge the many things in my own life that I have struggled to reason instead of simply accept. One doesn't really know love until they have experienced the love of a God-sized healing. September 6 started out as just another day and ended up being one that healed two people; Jeff and myself. Another day in the UK is what gave me the competence to recognize the numerous phenomenon that have and will continue to happen. A simple day in a small town in Ireland provided me with an understanding that it is never to late to believe. Yesterday, I could say that I don't believe in healing. Today, I can also say that healing is real. I can genuinely make the statement that miracles do happen and Jesus heals.
The following is a video taken of Jeff within 20 minutes of being healed. He is lifting over 300 lbs and remember, he could barely pick up a bucket of rocks weighing in at 20 lbs less than two weeks prior.
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