I love fall. I love the cool sweater-weather, the color of the leaves, cinnamon lattes (I’m not really a pumpkin spice kind of gal), fall candles – you get the idea. Being somewhere where it is 80 degrees or above all year long makes me miss the weather changes of Oklahoma. However, missing fall has allowed me to recognize something:
Our month two ministry is working at an orphanage a little outside of the city. Most of the children in the orphanage either have HIV/AIDS or had parents who had the disease. We arrive at the orphanage Monday – Friday at 10 am every morning. We spend the mornings doing work around the orphanage, which usually consists of cleaning rooms around the campus.The kids are currently out of school for 3 weeks, so we, unlike the last team (sorry boys), get to see the kids around all day. At 11:45 we break for lunch and hang out with some of the kids while we eat. After lunch we have about an hour long break. The kids are usually busy during this time so we use this time to hang out, take a power nap, or spend some time reading (my favorite thing to do during this time). After our break we work until 3 or 3:30 and then wrap up our day of working/cleaning. This is when we switch from working to spending time with the kids! Some of us go to the toddlers and the others go to the preschool age kids. From 3/3:30 we get to spend time playing with and loving on the kids at the orphanage. I go with the preschoolers, so I typically spend an hour dancing to their English songs or an hour playing in the giant sand box (more of a dirt box but it’s still cool) and then we spend an hour running around the campus or jumping on the trampoline. At 5:00 is when we head back home. On the way home from ministry one day, I began to think of the situation we were in. I started thinking of how we only have three weeks with these kids. I actually started to question whether or not it was worth it to become attached to all the kids if I was just going to leave them I a few weeks. I was honestly being really selfish in thinking this.
Is it really smart to love them if I am just going to leave?
Isn’t it going to be sad if all the kids get used to us coming and then one day we just stop showing up?
These were the thoughts going through my head. As we were driving home, I started thinking about fall and how much I love and miss it. I started thinking about what I liked about fall. One think I really do love is the color of the trees – the orange and red leaves especially! I look forward to the few weeks that the trees change color before all of the leaves fall off every year. While I was thinking this, God was showing me something. I know all of the leaves are going to fall off after they look their prettiest. Even so, I still enjoy them and love them. I don’t look at the trees with aggravation because I know they’re not going to be like this forever.
After looking at this perspective I realized how small minded I was being. I’m just a season in these kids’ lives. Other seasons will come and go as well. It is not my job to stay in their lives forever. It is my job to make the most out of the short season I am in. It is my job to make the most out of the time I have; to love them and love them well. I only get 3 weeks with these kids, there is no time to question whether or not it is “worth it” to put in the effort of loving them to the best of my ability.
Something the race has taught me is that life is too short to do anything but love people. Regardless of whether or not you are with them for 3 weeks, 3 years, or a lifetime, loving someone and loving them well is one of the greatest and most impactful things you can ever do. It could also be one of the hardest things you do. It can become hard to love someone knowing when you know you are going to have to say goodbye soon, or simply because we are humans and can often be unloving people. Regardless of why or how hard it is, that doesn’t take away the importance of loving someone. We have seasons where it is easier to love someone then other seasons. We don’t only have these seasons with people, we have seasons like this with God. One season may be great! Life is good, church is good, friendship circle is good, the person in front of you in the coffee shop line paid for your drink last week, everything is good! But we also have the seasons that aren’t so good. Church is having conflict, friends are too busy to hangout, and you are currently too broke to buy coffee. The seasons where life “isn’t so good” are the times where it becomes easy to be frustrated at God or grow distant. But though our seasons change, God’s love remains. It doesn’t matter how much our seasons change, His love is a constant.
This is my goal for my race. My goal is to have a constant love for those around me. I want my life and love for others to be a testament of how He has loved me, currently loves me, and will love me. My seasons change, my willingness to serve changes, my heart hardens, yet He still loves me. He has showed me love and what it looks like to love people, now all I want to do is share that with those He places in my path.
In June of 2019, I want to look back at the last 9 months and be able to say without a doubt:
I came. I saw. I loved.
– Ash
