Sorry for the long absence of new blogs. I entered Malawi, and God started doing so much at once that it was hard to put into words. Here’s a blog I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Enjoy!
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I looked out the plane window and gasped. The red ball of flames had just peaked over the horizon of Kenyan mountains. Orange, yellow and pink painted the sky in a show of brilliance I had only dreamed of witnessing before. “I’m in Africa…” I thought to myself. Then we landed.
It’s interesting how up in the sky, our dreams seem real and attainable. How everything we thought might happen, certainly will, and what on earth could go wrong? Then we land. We enter the brokenness and pain in the world, and life and reality slaps us in the face and laughs. It asks us why we ever dreamed while we were in the sky.
As my time in Africa drew on, I found myself missing my family more than usual. I longed for their touch and wisdom. I longed for meals cooked by my mother and playing sports with my friends again. I wasn’t happy to be in Africa. Nothing, and I mean nothing looked how I expected it. I was living in a house with 12 other women and one shower. I slept on the floor. Wifi cost way more money than I ever thought I would have to pay. Ministry involved one of my greatest fears: speaking in front of people. Even though I told myself I was fine and how much I enjoyed being where I was, deep down I knew it was a lie. I didn’t want to be here.
But how could I? How could I say I didn’t want to be here? I’m the one who wanted to go and travel the world. I’m the one who wanted to experience different cultures. I’m the one who thought community living would be fun and exciting. I’m the one who thought sleeping on the ground for nine months wouldn’t be a big deal. I really had no one to blame but myself.
Then I started reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. She started a thanksgiving journal and wrote down things she found every day she was grateful for. I felt God calling me to do the same thing. So in the midst of this place I did not like, I started looking for things to be grateful for, and to my surprise, I found many, many things. It changed everything. As I went about my day keeping track of and searching for things to be grateful for, I felt the tune of my heart changing. I started to find joy throughout my day as I would praise God for the little and big things I found to be thankful for.
Little brown hands holding mine? Thank you, Lord.
The pitter of rain on the roof? Thank you, Jesus.
Chichewa worship at church on Sunday? Thank you, God.
Grilled cheese for lunch? Thank you, Abba.
Billions of stars twinkling at night? Wow! Thank you, God.
Shower water falling on my head? Thank you for cleanliness.
Community, messy, and beautiful? Thank you for family.
Sleeping on the floor with a broken sleeping pad? Thank you for a safe home and a roof over my head.
Insane wifi prices? Thank you for Your provision, God.
Speaking in front of people almost every day? Thank you for the opportunity to conquer my fears and serve You, my King.
I realized you can look at the same things in life, the same people and the same situations, and have two completely different perspectives. You can look at life through the lens of unthankfulness, bitterness, and hurt, or you can look at the same through the lens of gratefulness and joy. It makes all the difference in how we live our lives. Every day has the opportunity to be a good day. We simply need to choose which pair of glasses to put on. Do we want to see everything with the fuzziness of ingratitude and stubborn hearts? Or do we want to see with clarity all of the good and potential for good God has placed in the world?
Yes, the world is broken and beat up. There is suffering in this world. I see it every day.
But…
“There’s still some good left in this world, Mr. Frodo, and its worth fighting for.” ~Sam Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings
God is good, and although the world has been corrupted by thousands of years of bad and evil choices, there is still good. There are still things to be grateful for. You simply have to put on the right glasses to see it.
May King Jesus bless you!
~Ashlyn
