For almost all of middle school and leading into high school, my all-time favorite song was oceans by Hillsong United. For years I remember praying the lyrics over my life, asking Pops to “Lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever He would call me. To take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” As I sang these words I was wishing for a time where I was forced to rely solely on my Abba. I knew it was a very bold prayer and I challenged Him to answer it. Boy, if only I knew what I was asking for.
Already, The World Race has taken more out of me than anything else in my life. It has brought me more sadness than I can even begin to describe. It has taken things, people, and relationships that I never imagined Pops would take from me. I have spent several weeks feeling like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on over and over again. It seems as though everywhere I turn there is something else flying at me. And throughout the whole thing, the devil has been trying extremely hard to make me feel as though I am completely alone. By taking relationships, keeping me busy, and planting doubts in my mind, he has been doing everything he can to insert himself between Pops and me. The worst and most frustrating part about the whole thing is that I have been allowing it to happen. I haven’t been spending time in prayer, I haven’t been turning to scripture and I have let myself believe that I am completely alone. I had missed the whole point. Instead of allowing Pops to take my struggles and make me stronger, I blamed Him. I started going through the motions, allowing myself to feel numb about everything that was happening. When in reality, this is exactly what I had asked for.
Pops would never do anything to hurt me. However, He can take these circumstances and grow my faith significantly. When the enemy is taking everything in my life away from me, Pops proves to me that He is all that I need. The thing is, I knew that everything I had was only temporary anyway. God does not promise us earthly treasures for eternity, He promises us something better. And by being put in a place where my trust is without borders, He is showing me just a glimpse of what that looks like.
I struggled writing this blog post because I do not have a happy ending to wrap it up. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I had a huge moment that changed my whole view on the race. I am not perfectly satisfied with the way that my life is going right now. I am still upset and angry and hurting. However, if I waited until everything was perfect to share what Pops has been doing in my life, I would never get the chance. I will tell you this, I can see something better coming. I do not understand all that Pops is doing in my life, but I have finally hit a point where I can see that He is taking me deeper than my feet could ever wander, to make my faith stronger in His presence.
As I embark on this new adventure, I find that, again, I am praying these lyrics over my life. I have learned that if Pops doesn’t fix the situation, He is using the situation to fix you. I challenge you to pray big prayers. To ask Pops to lead you where your trust is without borders. It was the scariest thing I’ve done, but it was also the most rewarding. I know that because the enemy is doing everything he can to discourage me, then something incredible is coming my way. I pray that when you feel discouraged, you remember that the only thing the devil can do is place those doubts.
In John 10:10 Jesus reminds us, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
You will not live your fullest life if you do not allow our loving Father to guide you just past your comfort zone. But do not be discouraged, for He is with you always.
Life Update!!! If you read my last blog, you know that I was having MAJOR doubts about the race. Well, GUESS WHAT!! Pops is so good and has shattered all of those doubts. (Do not be fooled, I am still terrified) He has already given me the BEST NEW FAMILY EVER!!! Shout out to my WR squad for the continual prayers and comfort you have given me the past few months. I can’t wait to travel the world in the name of Jesus with my new besties 🙂
so much love,
ash
