Dear Grace House children,
I’m sorry. I’m truly, truly sorry. You welcomed me into your village and into your life, and I failed to give you my all. I failed to fully submit and enjoy my month with you. I gave you 45% when you deserved the full 100%.
Let me try to explain… When I met you, my heart was still mourning the goodbye of my New Hope children in Cambodia. You see, for the first time on the race, I discovered what it meant to fall in love and never want to leave. For the first time, I felt like I was really where God wanted me. My goodbye there was a tearful one, everyone was sad and no one had a dry eye. I was distraught because I knew the chances of me ever seeing them again was small.
Coming into Thailand, I wasn’t ready to give my heart to more kids. I thought I was, but I really wasn’t. I wasn’t ready for another month of hard goodbyes, I’ve already had 5 months of those and I’m just so tired. So I closed myself off to you and only let you get to know my surface. I didn’t partake in activities other than what I absolutely had to and I never fought the language barrier to talk to you. I’m so sorry.
I have five days left with you, and I promise that in those five days, you will get to see my heart. I will make up for the lost time, and I will leave here with happy, fun memories on both of our parts. I will make sure you don’t question why we came. I will love you like you deserve to be loved.
Thank you for teaching me why my heart needs to stay open, despite previous pain. Thank you for showing me that every country deserves my full attention, no matter my past hurts. Here’s to second chances!
The race is hard. Really hard. You question why you were called, you question if you’re worthy, needed, wanted. Every fear or doubt you’ve ever had will probably come up in this time. But hearing stories of fourteen year olds who leave their country and family to be a Christian put it all in prospective.
The race is hard, but it’s worth it.
