“I’m not going to get comfortable, am I God?”
Sometime last week, a teammate mentioned fasting. I decided that I would do my first fast, and I started praying, asking God what he would have me give up.
His answers were simple, yet not. I was asked to give up a game I love, make-up, and to cut back on Facebook time. It was crazy to me, that as I prayed, these words jumped into my head.
I’ve always prayed to God, but I’ve never spoken to God. But I’ve been working on it, I’ve been asking God for guidance and actually listening, rather than sitting around waiting for a sign. I also started doing Daily Devotionals, and I LOVE them! I get woken up by one (it’s my alarm clock!) and then I have one from She Reads the Truth that breaks the Bible down by books. My faith and understanding of God has grown considerably.
But God still has so much more work to do on me.
Training camp is in less than a week (!!!!!) and tonight, God chose to inform me that he will not let me get comfortable. He is going to break me apart, trigger my weaknesses, and have me pour my soul out to others. He is going to make me vulnerable and hungry (for his love and food). He is going to stretch me to my breaking point, and just keep stretching. Because in these 10 days, he’s going to show me that my breaking point is a lot further than what I believe.
One thing I have an issue with, is praying out loud. I just can’t do it. If you ask me to pray out loud, I’m going to go to a prayer I’ve known forever. (Blessed, oh Lord in these we give…) The other day, I was in the police station with a student, she had made a mistake and was being arrested. As I was sitting there waiting for the cop, I heard “Pray for her. Out loud.” pop into my head. I automatically said no, I just kept repeating no. I couldn’t exactly say my food prayer for her, and I was not about to formulate a spoken prayer while in a police station. Finally, God quit insisting I pray for her. Out loud. But he didn’t let me off the hook, the next thing I heard was “Training Camp”. Ummmm….if I can’t pray for a student in a police station with 3 other people in the room, how the heck am I about to pray in front of or with a huge number of other people. Out loud. God is asking me to battle my anxiety (someday’s I feel like it’s a never ending battle…) and to pray. Out loud…at Training Camp. I said no once, I don’t think I’m allowed to say no…Again.
The scripture Romans 3:12 keeps repeating in my head…”All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”
I don’t understand. It’s not a positive scripture, but it is powerful. I’m curious to see if God is going to explain these words to me at Training Camp…
Being a missionary for Christ is about leaving your comfort zone, and not asking for it back. It’s about being willing to say “Here God, this is my fear, help me grow through it.” It’s about knowing, that you’re going to have to pray out loud, but making the leap of faith anyway. It’s about knowing, that when you jump, God and Jesus are your safety net.
