I haven’t even been home 24 hours and I’m already scared.
Not fearful, but scared for what could be.
Nothing has changed…I knew the roads and turns my Dad was taking home from the airport. When I took a bath, I knew that I needed to turn the hot water on to let it heat up and I knew exactly how much cold water to put. This morning, I knew how to get to my favorite taco stand and what to order.
This may not seem like a big deal, but it is.
Nothing has changed…but I’ve changed.
My squad mentor said that when you go home only a few things can happen, and one of those was going back to who you used to be. It’s not that I didn’t believe her, but I just thought “surely things won’t be EXACTLY how I left it. There’s no way I’ll be tempted to return to the old me.” but things are exactly how I left them and I can see how easily and tempting it would be to give in and revert to my old ways.
I’m scared of being home, because I’m scared that I’m not strong enough to keep my growth.
But in moments like this, I remember the best thing I learned this year: trust God. He reminds me daily that I’m not who I was and that I never have to be her again. But if something happens and I revert to who I was, He will still love and desire me. He will still pursue me.
He gave me this year, He introduced me to people who changed my life and the way I view things. He gave me teams that called me higher and lead me further towards the Kingdom, He gave me all the tools I could ever need. Now it’s my turn to stop being scared and take those tools and start building the Kingdom of God in my own home. He’s equipped me, nothing the devil throws at me will stop that. I’ve got to actively fight, wake up everyday and read my Bible, keep talking about God, spread the love and joy that I found in Him this year to others.
God has sent me home to impact those closest to me, my family and friends. Through His word and His promises, I’ll bring his Kingdom home.
Most likely, this will be my last blog post here. Thank you for following my blog this year, reading and commenting on everything. It was a pleasure to share my stories with you. If you ever want to reach out to me, my email is: [email protected]
