Faults… nobody likes to talk about them but I think it is good we own up to them… So I want to put mine out there and let you know what they are. I am hoping that this will 1. Keep me accountable 2. Point it out to my squad so they keep me accountable later on.
I suffer from one of the 7 deadly sins… I am a sloth.
Proverbs 6:9-11 (the message) says:
You lazy fool, look at an ant.
Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do.
All summer it stores up food;
at harvest it stockpiles provisions.
So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?
How long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,
sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,
poverty your permanent houseguest!
This is the lesson I am trying to learn this week… to be like the Ant.
I wish I could say that this was a truly busy time for me. Sure, I am in school and trying to raise money for this trip but really, this has been an extremely lazy time for me. I have free time galore and never feel like I am being quite productive enough in my life. This is embarrassing… But last week I watched 2 whole seasons of 90210 on netflix! I don't know which part is worse… That I enjoyed watching the show or that I spent 48 hours watching netflix.
I am lazy. If it was up to me… I'd watch 72 hours of netflix and finish another season of 90210 (that show is just so good) and that would be my week and nothing else. Sometimes I believe that its my depression taking a hold on me, sometimes I think I just lack the drive. It's hard to say.
Honestly, until about 20 minutes ago when I started writing this blog, I don't think I realized how BIG of a problem this was. I knew I was lazy but problem? Not so much. I don't want to be lazy… but not wanting to do something isn't enough. Being lazy is easy. There is no effort and pressing that play button on netflix is a heck of a lot easier than getting out of bed and doing something else productive.
Being lazy is my cigarrette, my addiction and I don't know how to stop it.
My mom always tells me to make a to do list and that I will feel better as a gradually check things off of it… She's right. The few to do lists that I've made always brighten my day when I finish them. But when I don't make a to do list… I can't say I failed at doing anything.
Laziness for me, has become a way not fail because it allows me to never try. It allows me to be complacent about everything and it allows me to never care. And if you never do those things… then really you can't ever be disappointed. I've felt that disappointment in myself and it's a feeling that I have tried and tried to never feel again. I don't like it so I run from it.
Sure you can say "Aren't you disappointed that you were lazy today and didn't finish your homework?" and sure that makes more sense then what I am saying… But the laziness has made me where that homework wasn't important and therefore, I don't care.
So how does one start to care again? How does someone just become productive? How does one stop being a sloth?
Its so comfortable to be a sloth but I'm sick of being comfortable. I'm sick of living life from the sidelines.
So this week starts the week of productivity. My week of being an ant. This week is the week of to do lists and unsloth like behavior. And R-Squad… Take away skype from me or something. I have to do this. I have to break these chains.
