To the cross I look and to the cross I cling. Of its suffering I do drink, of its work I do sing. All in my Savior, both bruised and crushed, showed them God is love and God is just.
At the cross You beckon me. You draw me gently to my knees and I am lost for words, so lost in love. I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.
What a priceless gift – undeserved life – have I been given through Christ crucified. You called me out of death and called me into life. And I was under Your wrath. Now through the cross I’m reconciled.
After being in India a few days, I began to get homesick. How could I be so content with my life here yet long for life there? How could I love my present life and ache for my past life – all at the same time? “I love India, but I’d be okay if we left tomorrow,” I said to a teammate. I suppose you could say I was becoming indifferent.
I started to realize that I was getting lost in a cycle that, if I didn’t get out of soon, would cause my team, my ministry, and myself harm. Each time I got online Facebook reminded me that no one hit pause on the time machine when I left America. Life is going on there without me and it’s hard to watch sometimes. Each time I Skyped my family or friends from home, I yearned to be there with them. There were times I’d give anything to be across a Starbucks table from Caley (http://caleypeterson.theworldrace.org/) or sharing a couch with my mom, rather than watching them through a computer screen. I knew these interactions were weighing my heart down but the more I missed home the more I wanted to connect with home. And the more I connected with home, the more I missed home. And the more I missed home, the more indifferent I became about this place.
I knew the Holy Spirit was prompting me to take a break from all the connections for a few days and when Ben, my old squad leader, confirmed it with his advice, I figured I’d go for it. As bad as I did not want to focus on my present life right then, I knew I needed to.
I sent this email to my parents and closed Safari. I got up to walk downstairs and immediately felt like 10lbs. were lifted off my chest. I felt so liberated, so free. Free to spend time with people who are in front of my face, not thousands of miles away. Free to walk to the corner store for a cold soda and look into the eyes of the people along the way instead of rushing past them as if the website I was hurrying off too was more important.
But this blog is not about getting lost in Wi-fi. It’s about what Jesus does when we intentionally remove things that distract us from Him. In the last couple of days, I’ve been more aware of the things I love most about this adventure. My relationship with our local pastor’s wife has grown. I noticed that I had hurt a teammate and they needed something more from me. When I heard music, I listened to the lyrics. When I looked at the sky I saw the sun. When I looked at the kids in the orphanage, I felt like I could see into their souls; their tender hearts aching for one more high-five.
When I looked at the cross, undistracted and focused, I saw Jesus. And I saw Him beckoning me. Drawing me gently to my knees. Lost for words and so in love, I was sweetly broken and wholly surrendered.
Why am I telling you this? Because I have a feeling that something in your life, something good in and of itself, is disrupting your attention to your King. Take a break. Try it out. See what you find when you have undistracted devotion to your One and Only.
