“Well… what do you think of when you hear the word lovely?”
This is usually how I respond to the million-dollar question in my life lately. “So, why the word ‘lovely,’” they ask. I think of words like graceful, lively, and sweet. I think of the color pink and picture things like a little blonde girl twirling her yellow sundress in a field of sunflowers. Or pink and purple tea parties. Ya know, lovely things: rainbows and butterflies, springtime and innocence.
I then inform the inquiring person that I, however, am none of those things. I am blunt to a fault and I have no interest in sugar coating the truth so it makes your pill easier to swallow. I don’t own a yellow sundress and sunflowers aren’t my favorite. I’ve never, ever enjoyed parties with fake tea and imaginary friends. And? Innocence went out the window years ago with rainbows and butterflies trailing behind.
It’s almost as if I am the exact opposite of all things lovely.
Therefore, when Amy told me month one of the race that Jesus told her I am lovely, I thought she was nuts. Um, hello? Do you even know me? Don’t get me wrong; I did adore the word and the idea of lovely things made me smile. It just was not a word I would have ever chosen to describe Ashli Blackwell. But for three months Amy insisted that I was lovely, reminding me one way or the other. From time to time she would write it on my wrist or in my journal as a reminder.
But it wasn’t until month 5 of the race that Jesus began to speak to me about that word. He began to confirm in me that I could start using this simple word to describe myself because it is exactly how He sees me. Sheesh! First Amy, now Jesus?
But He does know me all too well and knew exactly how to speak to my heart. So he started with music. The word was popping up everywhere.
“Isn’t She Lovely?”
“You’re altogether lovely, altogether worthy…”
“He calls me lovely…”
He spoke this word over me through my mentor, Jamie, who was completely clueless as to what was stirring in my heart over this word. At this exact time of discovering this word, I was reading a book called Captivating which explains that the question on every little girl’s heart is, “Am I lovely?”
As my heart was softening to this word and the idea that I might really be lovely to the others, Jesus yanked a knot in my tail. He showed me that there within that thought lies the problem. I was arguing with Jesus because I knew that according to the world’s standards, I am not lovely.
According to my standards, I am not lovely.
He told me very quickly that it was absolutely not okay to do that to myself. “You ARE lovely. By who’s standards are you living? I have called you lovely.”
It was then that my identity took root in this word. I accepted that Jesus, somehow some way, saw me as a little girl twirling in a field of flowers covered in innocence and for the first time in a long time, I liked myself.
But the question still remained, “How do I live lovely?”
To be continued…
