This is an excerpt from an email between Jamie, my mentor, and me.
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“I'm working on finding the balance in BEING myself and CHANGING myself. I've been trying to
fit into this "mold" that people think I should be and it's been horribly dissatisfying. "I'M JUST NOT A GENTLE PERSON!!!!!" I said to myself so many times. "I'm not tender. I'm not sugar-coating stuff just to baby people who can't take the truth!"
But now I'm processing through being the blunt, fierce, strong, vocal woman God definitely created me as…. yet somehow remaining tender, gentle, kind. It's possible. Although I never thought so… because after all, the first three adjectives seem opposite to the last three. It is possible and I'm learning – through time and experiences – that it is, in fact, possible.
It only makes sense that it would be.
Yes, God created me with this bold, loud, silly personality but his Word says things like "clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness…" So this is me, finding how the two go together. I'm finding freedom. I’m learning that lovely isn’t a word to describe me. Lovely IS me. I’m learning to be Lovely with a capital L. To wear gentleness, to wear kindness, to wear humility, etc. It's good.”
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This truly sums up my life right now; one part of it, at least. Is it always easy? Heck no. People make me mad and I want to lash out with my every thought – likely to regret it later. But training myself to have the mind of Christ is something we will never regret.
I’m learning that I can say what I need to say in ways that people hear me, receive what I am saying, and I never really had to sugar coat it. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m learning to be tender, gentle, and kind.
I’m learning to wear Lovely.
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I literally wear "lovely" every day. As a reminder of many things: first, this amazing season of my young life and the things I've learned in walking into this identity with Jesus – but secondly and most importantly, a reminder that I AM Lovely. Lovely with a captial L and only because my King named me. Fun fact: this is written in Amy's handwriting because not only is she one of my best friends and always will be, but she did and still does play such an instrumental role in calling greatness out of me. She calls me Lovely everyday and reminds me of who I am in the sight of the Most High.
I wore Lovely when I preached in India …
and when I preached in Romania…
I wore it in the Philippines 🙂
I wear it when I eat breakfast on the street …
and I wear it when I go bowling with orphan girls! 🙂
