Since I was in 6th grade I strived to Travel and see the world! I live in Minot, North Dakota where you kinda have to make your own fun because there isn’t much to do, but I made the best with what I had. Senior year my heart was set on going to Montana state and starting new. The only thing I knew was my hometown and I was ready to get out and be on my own…. or so I thought. I started questioning if this is what God really wanted for me and I felt like the answer was no. I felt like my calling that year was to work and save up the money I had. So I did exactly that, I got a job waitressing, and saved up a lot of my tips, I also working at a gym part time. I started to get down on myself. I had all these dreams of getting out and seeing the world and yet here I am waitressing tables in my hometown… “God where are you?!” I kept asking myself. Quickly he answered me.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am Your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~Isaiah 41:10
I was working at my job at the gym and my coworker was asking me what I was doing with my life. I told her that I was just working but the way I said it she knew something was up. I started telling her how I felt, how I had this dream of getting out of here. I told her how I’ve always had a heart for missions work but I never knew where to start. She told me she knew someone who did missions and quickly looked it up. This is where I found the world race and the gap year program. She helped me look into it and it just felt right. So I prayed and I said God if this is your will then I will get accepted.
Starting my application for the race I was in this constant battle with myself. Was I going to go on the race or was I going to college. What would people think if I applied, that would mean I was taking another year off from college. People will start to judge me and make assumptions that I’m never going to college. But a simply application wouldn’t hurt anyone. Within 2 weeks I was accepted and I took this as a sign that I was meant to go.
I had a 8 month battle with myself on if I was really bold enough to do the world race. I was so comfortable with what I was doing that what if I wasn’t cut out for traveling. As launch got closer and closer it was hard for me to fundraiser because I didn’t believe I was cut out to do this but God kept rolling in the funds for me in so many different ways. Finally the day had come for me to leave for the race and I got on a plane and started my journey. My first month in Cambodia flew by. Teaching English lasted about 8 hours a day so the days flew by. It wasn’t until I got to the end of month 2 I started to get home sick. All I could think about was being home with my family again. Thank you to all my supporters back home who kept telling me to be here. It wasn’t until we did a bible study were I became aware of the word, BE. Such a small word with so many uses. BE mine, BE his hands and feet, BE joyful, BE silent, BE still, BE my vessel, etc…
BE HERE.
This is the one I had to focus on the most. I had to turn my focus from what life is going to be like after the race to what life is like on the race. God helped me walk this one out by giving me and my team to have the opportunity to be on our own (separated from the squad) and live on a ranch in the mountains month 3. We didn’t have access to very much wifi so like a lot of people my age I didn’t have to worry about fomo aka fear of missing out on things back home. I also had the time to focus on God and bond with my team.
BE STILL
Set you mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
~Colossians 3:2
This is a verse I had to remember during my quiet time with God. I constantly kept asking myself am I going to be the same when I come back home? Will this joy I have fade after the race? Am I actually planting seeds here or would I be better off being at home? I soon realized when I took these questions to God I did all the talk and was never silent enough to get a response. I decided to be silent and just sit in his presence and realized that it’s only month 3, God has the whole race to work on me and who am I to question him? He’s making me a stronger person and I’ll continue to be that person on the race and off the race.
BE MY HANDS AND FEET
Simon said “Master we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
~Luke 5:5
Luke 5:1-10 the Jesus tells Simon to cast his net out into the water and try to catch fish. Simon replies to Jesus saying that basically there was no point in doing so because they haven’t caught any fish all day but since Jesus asked him to he would obey. He released the net into the water and quickly the net filled up with fish and Simon asked for forgiveness for even questioning God.
While being on the race I was wonder if I was even making a impact here. Was what I’m doing actually planting seeds and if so why couldn’t I see them? “Hello God you promised me miracles, where are they?” Luke 5:1-10 reminded me that when God asks you to do something you may question why because you’ve tried so hard before and nothing came out of it, but when the lord reminds you that he is faithful you try again and question why you ever second guessed him. That’s what I’m doing here. I may or may not see the seeds I’ve planted or the impact I’ve made but just being here and remembering that month 1 and 2 I got to be that teacher who got to remind those kids every day how beautiful they are and how much Jesus loves them. Month 3 I got to be a part of a ministry in the making by clearing a field so my ministry host can start a horse ministry. Month 4 I get to be that interaction to those special needs residents who don’t get many visitors. I get to help the do projects that they never have the time to do because they are attending to the residents. God has reminded me how much he has blessed me in being here and how I get to be his hands and feet the rest of the race even if I don’t see the roots he’s planting. I am forever thankful for that.
I have finally become comfortable with being uncomfortable. I may not know the answers of what my next steps are on and off the race, but I’m ok with that. I have full faith that God knows what’s best for me and he will let me know my next step when the timing is right.
