“What you pay attention to is what you’ll get more of.” This phrase comes up a lot in my line of work specifically in reference to children’s negative behavior. A lot of times children learn to act out because they are starving for attention and experience has taught them that the negative attention they get from acting out is better than no attention at all. I see this time and again both at my school job and at my outside job as a child therapist. Sometimes, the more that we pay attention to negative behaviors and draw attention to it (through engaging in arguments about it, disciplining it, acknowledging it in front of peers, etc.) the more the behaviors will occur. The opposite is true as well, the more we ignore negative behaviors that we want to go away, the less frequently they will occur. When we instead praise positive behaviors that we are hoping to shape and develop, we are more likely to see more of them.
Today this concept hit me in a new way. It’s very easy to pay attention to negative things in our lives. How many times a day do you think about what’s stressing you out, what’s gone wrong that day, or what’s bothering you? How often do you think about your shame or regret, your unwanted circumstances, or your hardships? Is it possible to make it through a day without complaining (and inso focusing) on a negative or difficult situation? And when we do this it becomes a habit and your thought process ends up getting stuck in “stickin’ thinking”. It becomes easier and easier to focus on the negatives and to find things to complain about or to dwell on and therefore continuing the cycle. With the kids that I counsel I call them “ANTs” or Automatic Negative Thoughts and we talk about how ANTs can sneak up on us and if we don’t take them captive and challenge them they can keep building on each other. It’s actually been proven that the more you dwell on those thoughts the more they will occur.
The thing that bothers me is how easy and automatic it can be to get caught up in negative things and how difficult it can sometimes be to focus on the positive or to see God’s hand in everything. The last few weeks on my way to work I have heard the song “Everything” By TobyMac. The chorus to the song goes:
“I see You in everything, all day
And every beat of my heart keeps reminding me
I see You in every little thing, all day
No matter where I go I know Your love is finding me
I see You in everything.”
The last time I heard it I made it my prayer for the day. God, show me your hand in everything today. God, let me see You in every little thing that I do today. Show me You in the students that I work with and the people I interact with. Show me your love and let me be surrounded by Your goodness today.
And it’s amazing because when you change your mindset and take negative thoughts captive and instead try to pay attention to God’s hand at work around you and the good things that are happening in and through those that you interact with, you start to see it even more. The more you look for God at work, the more you see Him. The more you look for blessings in your life, the more you notice them everywhere. What you pay attention to, is what you’ll actually end up getting more of.
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in His holy people, and His incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1:18-19.
Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things. Psalm 119:18.
Open my eyes, God, and let me see You in everything. Help me to focus on Your goodness and not on my situations. Help me to pay attention to Your love and not listen to the mess of the World around me. Show me more of you as I choose to pay attention to Your works. And help me help others to do the same.
