The beginning of a new year is often a time marked with reflection and self-awareness. We are often encouraged to engage in introspection, examining our lives and habits to determine which parts are “acceptable” in our eyes or in the eyes of others and which parts need some extra work in the upcoming year. It’s a time where we set goals and expectations for the future. We identify something that we’ll get better at, something that we’ll stop doing, something that we will start doing. We look at areas in our life that we aren’t happy with and start the work to change it.
This year, as I prepare to leave for The World Race in just 5 months, I’ve been trying to draw closer to God and to identify areas in my life that need improvement to become the person that God wants me to be.
Today as I was reflecting on the things that I still need to work on and the areas in my life that I want to improve on in the next year I felt like God was telling me that it isn’t up to me. It isn’t my choice to determine which part of my life aren’t pleasing to Him or which things are standing in the way of being a better me. So often the areas of my life that I try to change are those that are led by shame. They’re the things that leave me feeling guilty or that I “know” I should not be doing. I ask God to help me change in these areas because they’re uncomfortable or unattractive and I don’t feel good about them. But I feel like God is challenging me to go a step deeper than this. I feel like He is asking me to give Him all of me and to allow Him to show me the areas that He wants me to change, not just the areas where I feel I should change. He is asking me to give Him my heart, all of it, not just the parts that I feel are acceptable and that He will help me to cut out and burn away what doesn’t please Him. But this is so much harder than simply picking a New Year’s Resolution or a goal to work on. Giving God control and asking Him to weed out the areas of my life that don’t please Him is scary. Terrifying, really. What if He asks me to give up things that I’m not ready to part with? You see, allowing God to cut out areas of your heart is painful. There are parts of me that I’ve spent 27 years getting used to. There are areas that are so engrained into my life and identity that I don’t know how to separate them by my own will. But God isn’t asking me to. He’s asking me to trust Him enough to give Him my whole life. My whole heart. My whole identity. He’s asking me to allow Him to work in my life in such a way that the only thing I place my identity in is Him. He’s asking for permission to search my whole heart and to reveal to me areas that aren’t pleasing to Him.
Psalm 139:23-24 says
“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Jesus himself says in John chapter 15 that God cuts off every branch that does not bear fruit and for those branches that do bear fruit he prunes so that they will be even more fruitful. It’s not just enough to allow God access to the areas in your heart that are kept hidden. We have to go one step further and ask Him to prune off the areas that aren’t bearing fruit. We have to be willing to let go the pieces of ourselves that are not being productive. Not just the ugly areas, not just the dead areas, not just the uncomfortable areas. We have to give it all over and let Him decide what stays and what goes.
God, I give you access to my whole heart. Search me and test my thoughts. Seek out any offensive ways in me and prune them out of my life. Show me the areas in my life that are not producing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Make me who you want me to be, even if it hurts in the process. Take out the areas that aren’t pleasing to you. Help me to draw closer to you as you draw near to me. Amen.
