Hi all!
The countdown is on until I embark on this incredible gap year opportunity! I think there’s a little less than 2 months until training camp which is when I can meet all of my squad mates!! I’m looking forward to meeting all of my teammates as they have been so encouraging to me!
I’m also just so anxious to grow deep roots in my faith and get stretched in new and unique ways. One of the most prominent reasons as to why I am so ambitious about going on this journey is the cleansing that it will bring to my soul. My prayer is that I will be able to have my focus set solely on Christ and sacrifice my fleshly desires for His. Ultimately, so He can work through me and touch others around me by my obedience to His calling.
I’m so excited to see how God will use me to serve in His kingdom, I want to be an open vessel for His glory! I’m eager to just go for it and embrace the struggle. I look forward to learning more about our God by creating new relationships, listening to others testimonies and fellowshipping with my teammates and community around me!
Though despite my utmost joy, excitement, and pure ambition for this incredible mission, I have to be straight up with you and let you see a more vulnerable, deeper part of my heart. I’m gonna get real.
Over these past couple of months I’ve been trapped and oppressed by stress and fear. I’ll give you a little glimpse of my agenda. I play on a travel field hockey team and have practice about two times a week along with tournaments on weekends. I also play for my school tennis team and have practice every day along with an average of three games a week. I have homework like every other high school student as well as other responsibilities and tasks coinciding with being a senior. With this, I also have to fundraise and keep up with my emotional and spiritual life.
This has been a very challenging season for me. It’s hard to find joy and peace in this mission and opportunity when there’s so much going on in my day to day life. I feel like I have so little time to debrief and let God speak to me and it’s even harder to make it a priority when I am partaking in field hockey, tennis, schooling, senior tasks and fundraising.
I want to kindly ask for your prayers. My heart has been kind of reckless due to the lack of inner peace and restoration. I’ve been struggling with finding time to chill with God and ultimately, that’s where I get joy, energy and strength from!
I need a heart change. Simply because I am not who I want to be when I don’t have time with Jesus on a day to day basis. I am a person who likes routine and I haven’t found a good routine time to be with God since I’ve moved into a new home this February.
I also humbly ask that you would pray for me to let go and be bold. I find myself trying to be a perfectionist. Specifically when I am serving God, I want everything to be “perfect” for Him. Also, I really strive to always be 100% honest, genuine, and real when I talk to people or write blogs. I don’t want anything to be published if I am forcing it or don’t want to write anything that’s not what I am truly feeling. I’ve actually written several blogs, though I just haven’t posted them yet because I feel like they’re not “good enough” to be published.
I realize that this is a pretty vulnerable and frank first blog, but I believe that this honesty is the first step to freedom. In the end, I know I just need to take a deep breath, make time for Jesus, make Him my number one priority, let myself feel His grace, and own my faith.
“For I know the plans that I have for you” Declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a new future” Jeremiah 29:11
