(My Mom and Dad in our backyard)
A few nights ago we met three French Canadians staying at our hostel. While our team worshipped by candlelight up on the roof, my teammate Kelly and I had one of the best conversations I’ve had in ages with them, on faith, religion and why we believe what we believe. At one point one of them said something about treasure, and how God provides a different kind of treasure. How true! The treasures he’s brought into my life, there is nothing I could ever do to earn the right to the gifts he’s given; my sisters and brother, my huge family, the trips I’ve been able to take, my really really cool friends. God is growing in me a greater sense of patience (by testing it) a great sense of humility, and best of all, a sense of hope, both for my future, and the future of my family.
(GrammieLu and Coco at the beach, Christmas day 2011)
I don't know if she knows this, but I aspire to be what my Grammie is to our family. The one who remembers birthdays, knows the stories behind all the family pictures. The one who everyone visits and calls on holidays, the one person who can get the whole family to drop what they are doing and fly in from around the world to celebrate the day God put her on this earth. My Grammie is one of the sweetest and sassiest women on this planet, and I am honored to be her granddaughter. I admire how she keeps our family together and worry what will happen when she's gone. Is anyone big enough to fill her shoes?
I forget, sometimes, that God is ginormous. That's a word, watch ELF. God is the one who is really keeping our family together. He is the one who is pursuing our hearts, winning us over in a thousand ways, waiting for us to be united in Him, to become a powerhouse, and incredibly army working to bring Heaven to earth. My family is comprised of some powerful, influential, loyal, ambitious people. I am jealous for them; I want them to have the best of everything, the best life possible. They are all so strong, in their own ways.
When I talk to Grammie about God, how much He loves her, how much I love her, she does her typical Grammie thing, tries to distract and deflect. Sometimes I think she doesn't believe me, not that she thinks I'm a liar, just that the things I'm saying are not possible. I suspect that she thinks she has not done well enough, hasn’t lived the life He expected, hasn’t met some invisible standard. I think, Grammie thinks that God couldn’t possible love her and want her, because she’s not good enough. I get that. I feel that. I am that. But it’s balderdash.
(My fam, Kylee, Jess, Dad, Greg, Me at the beach Christmas Day 2011)
My Grammie is amazing. I know this, her kids know this, her grandkids know this, her neighbors know this. She is so loved, so adored, that most of her ex daughter in laws, even after divorcing from the family, still call and visit her all the time. We just love her. She has a special place in our hearts and it drives me crazy that she thinks she doesn’t have a special place in God’s heart. I am learning to trust that God did not put me on this planet to save anyone, to fix anyone, to change anyone. All He needs from me is a willing heart, a heart that is willing to love everyone He puts in my path like He did, and trust Him to do everything else.
Please pray that He is given full access to my life, and my family. That whenever old pain is drudged up, or new pain is created, that is passes quickly, and leaves an enhanced closeness behind. Pray that not a single member of my family would be without Him cause man, they are awesome.
