I leave my home in just two days to depart for this grand adventure. I’m leaving the comfort of a home (and bed and running water), my people, convenience, and known.
I am trading it for a whirlwind adventure with my Father- embarking on a romantic journey filled with unknowns, discomfort, and growth. (Side note: it is romantic in the fact that I’m following my Savior…not that I will be vacationing in the most comfortable and lush circumstances!)
My heart is perfectly torn in two. I am so jazzed to be finally leaving to start this thing, but so heartbroken to be leaving my people behind. Listen, I can go a year without stuff, but leaving behind the people I love so dearly feels icky, hard, and like the air is being sucked out of my lungs.
I read a quote the other day, by a lady named Gabrielle Zevin (I haven’t read her books, but she seems cool…look her up!), that perfectly encompasses the feeling I have right now.
“They should tell you when you’re born: have a suitcase heart, be ready to travel.”
Wow, a suitcase heart. That is so perfect. Hold please: while I pack up all my people in my suitcase heart. Let’s make sure it’s a magic one (like in Harry Potter) so that I can fit infinitely many people in there.
People keep asking how I’m feeling right now and all I can say is “this doesn’t feel real.” Truly, I feel like I’m stumbling through a strange and meandering dream. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and have the most incredible story to tell. My brain literally cannot process the fact that in ONE WEEK from today, I will be IN INDIA. Yep, the country. On the actual dirt in another land. Let me be obnoxious for a second- I just can’t.
I have too much I want to say to too many people. So I think I’m going to write some short letters here for everyone to read.
To my family: you are strong, and amazing, and selfless (even when you don’t feel that way.) When I announced God called me to do the World Race, you said “Of course. Go!” You have been supportive the entire way. You have stayed up late/woken up early to organize fundraisers. You have eaten disgusting things with me. You have rallied to share every facebook post and convince every friend they needed to buy a shirt to support me. You have prayed for me, and listened when I told you not to google the countries to which I’m going. You are my foundation, my champions, the people I love with my whole entire self. Thank you for trusting that God is good and He knows what He’s doing. It’s not easy to let your daughter/sister/niece go on this crazy trip, yet you are holding out open hands. Thank you for supporting me. I love you, I love you, I love you.
To my second family: you people are nuts and you make my heart so happy. Thank you for a million river days, steak and red wine, inviting me into your crazy, and loving me like your own. Thank you for cooking tabouli just for me, for helping me pass my stupid Spanish class in college, and for trusting me with your kids. Thank you for hours of girl talk, counseling me through life’s inevitable changes, and wrestling with me, even when I didn’t want to! Thank you for including me in every holiday, family weekend, and all the birthday dinners. I count myself so blessed to call you my family. Your fierce love matches that of my birth family and sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am to have not one incredible family, but two. God sure knew what he was doing when he crossed our paths. I love you beyond the telling.
To my girls: oh man. You make me laugh SO hard. You tell me stories, keep me accountable, buy my lunch, invite me to your houses, and share life with me in the most extraordinary ways. You understand me like no one else, and you lift me up better than anyone too. You are my rock, my safe place to land. You do fun things with me, hold my hand when I’m freaking out, and steady me when I feel like I might fall from weariness. Thank you for watching stupid movies and eating junk food with me. Thank you for not judging me, for saying me too when life seems absurd, and always having lots of hugs waiting for me. Thank you for picking up the phone, even when you have a million other things to do. Thank you for listening to me, loving me, and praying for me. You’re my warriors. I’d be absolutely lost without you.
To my camp peeps: you were part of one of the most challenging and growing seasons of my life. You weathered some tough storms with me and still loved me when morning came. You have prayed for me, sought me out, and loved me so well. You have taught me what it means to be followers of Jesus. You have been His hands and feet in my life. You have taught me about love, working hard, taxes, and how to create reports in Microsoft office. You have shown me grace and lovingly kept me accountable. You are some of the best, most hardworking people I know and I am just so proud of all that you do for the Kingdom. You knock my socks off and I can’t wait to see what the future holds!
To my church family: it’s been a long road! You have loved me and stuck by me through all of my 20s. You have never given up, always pursued me, and shown me such grace and extravagant love. You, my friends, are the body of Christ in action. Your hospitality and generosity leave me speechless. Thank you for loving me (and each other) like you love Jesus. Great things are coming for you, and I can’t wait to hear about them. Also please know that I am going on this World Race, in large part because of you and the role you have played in my life. Missionaries aren’t made in training rooms during missionary boot camp…they are made in the chairs of sanctuaries, with the arms and hearts of the body. Missionaries are made in bible studies, church events, and in Sunday school. Missionaries are made because the people inside the church building have loved and taught and supported so well, that someone is brave enough to say a small “yes” when God calls. Thank you for being the support behind my shaky obedience. I will be forever grateful.
To ALL my people: thank you. You have made it possible for me to go on this trip. You have given of your time, your hearts, and your wallets and I definitely do not take that for granted. You have said “yes” to me, and have jumped onto the crazy train known as my HOME TEAM. Please know that this is YOUR race too! This year isn’t just about what God does in and through my team overseas; it’s about what God is doing in your hearts, in your towns/workplaces/homes as well. I may have some training and a little bit of courage- but you are just as equipped as I am to share the gospel, love on the people around you, and to make this messy world just a light bit more like Heaven. You get to do Kingdom work right where you are and I want you to know just how important that is. Yes, I get to go to a bunch of beautiful countries, but you get to love your neighbor, pay for a stranger’s coffee, cheer on your kids’ teachers, and be a light in your neck of the woods. HOME TEAM– I am so in awe of you. You are incredible and I love you so big!
My bags are not packed…still working on it, thanks! I am about to the point of taking nothing with me. It’s so hard to decide if I need to bring 3 extra deodorants or just shove it all and take nothing but baby wipes and kit kat bars. My bags may not be packed, but I am hefting around my suitcase heart, praying I have room for just one more dear one. I’m willing the pockets to be extra deep, to cram in as many memories as possible.
In just two days, I’ll get in a car with my family and drive to Atlanta, Georgia. We’ll have some classes and meals together, and then I’ll kiss them goodbye for a year. Just a few days later, I will board a plane that will eventually get me to India, and then the real excitement begins.
Over the next week, would you please join me in prayer for my squad (big team of 48) as we leave home and friends and family and embark on this Kingdom journey? Will you please join me in praying for safe travels, on-time transportation, that our luggage arrives with us at each destination, and for our safety abroad? Please join me in praying for our families who will miss us the moment we leave their arms, and our hearts that will be breaking just a little as we say adios. Pray for divine appointments with people in India, and for unity, health and safety for my squad for the full 11 months.
Thank you for being part of this incredible story. God is up to big things and I can’t wait to share what happens next!
