Wow, I am in Nepal! It has been a whirlwind of activity and I suddenly find myself closer to the end of this month than the beginning. Each day brings new challenges and opportunities, and I am growing and changing. (One of my upcoming blogs will be about the ministry we are working with BUT right now, I need to share something more personal!)
Every morning, we hike about 40 minutes to our host’s home, where we engage in an hour-long “amad” time, or intentional, focused time spent with the Lord. This looks like praying, reading the Word, listening to worship music, and journaling. Many people typically call this “quiet time,” but the word amad means to rest with, remain beside, or abide in the Lord. This is so cool to me because I have the word “abide” tattooed on my wrist!
This ministry we are working with is very much led by the Holy Spirit, so we have been encouraged to pray for God to reveal visions, scripture, and messages to us to give to others, or to encourage ourselves. It’s an interesting and exciting thing to practice, since I have never really asked the Holy Spirit to work this way in my life.
Today during my amad time with the Lord, a song played on my phone. The song was Once and For All, by Lauren Daigle. As I was listening to the lyrics, a few stuck out to me.
God I give You all I can today
These scattered ashes that I hide away
I lay them all at your feet
Help me to lay it down
Oh Lord I lay it down
Oh let this be where I die
My Lord with thee, crucified
Be lifted high as my kingdoms fall
Once and for all, once and for all
As I listened to and prayed over the words of the song, a beautiful, vivid image came to my mind.
Jesus is holding my hand and we are walking to the cross together. Her turns to me and asks me to give him my shame, brokenness, sins, and all of the junk that I try to hold onto. I don’t want to hold onto the junk, but it seems safer than giving it to him and letting it be exposed to the light. He gently pulls the pain, dirt, and shame away from me. It hurts but Jesus is there to comfort me and remind me that he feels it too. He takes all of the mess and nails it to the cross in front of us, one by one.
By the end, I’m empty of my filth, but I’m also crumpled on the ground, sobbing. Jesus kneels down and gently takes my hand. He helps me to stand and he raises my arms to make a cross. He is showing me that the parts of me that are not of him were crucified with him that day all those years ago. He stands behind me and we cry together. He’s reliving all the pain with me, but also helping me to release it and leave it there, nailed to the cross. He tells me, “you never have to pick that up again. I was there with you through all of it. I know your pain, but I offer life and fullness to you.” He turns me around and wipes the tears off my face and hugs me tightly.
Jesus’ promise to me is that he’ll never leave my side. He promises that by letting him put all of my brokenness on the cross, that I am made new. The dirtiest parts of me were put to death on that cross the day Jesus was crucified. He took away the filth and gave me instead, his glory. Jesus reminds me that I was buried with him in the tomb, and raised to life again with him three days later.
“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.” Romans 6:4-7
Jesus trades the old, dirty, sinful parts of us for new, clean, righteousness. He makes us new and we don’t ever have to go back to who we were before.
What are you holding onto today that you want Jesus to trade for righteousness? What sinful/shameful/scary things are you holding and hoping don’t ever see the light? Jesus wants to give you freedom from those things, and give you his glory instead!
Thank you so much for your prayers and support. Even though I’m 8,500 miles away from home, I feel every single one of you standing behind me. Know that everything you’ve contributed is carrying me through each day. I love you all and count myself so blessed to have such an incredible Home Team.
If you would like to financially support me, I only need about $500 to be fully funded. In addition to that, I need about $50 more per month to live my life. (Pre-WR I was able to raise some money, but it won’t be enough to cover the entire year.) This includes local transportation costs, shampoo/soap/toothpaste, and food. The money we raised for the trip covers some of this, but not all. If you’d like to help support my daily life abroad, please email my mom, Stephanie ([email protected]) and she can get you set up.
