“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.’” Matthew 16:24-27
I’m on the World Race. Everyone (including the Vietn*amese government) knows this. It’s the Christmas season. Everyone, everywhere knows this. However unlike most Christmases in my life, I found myself sad and edging on bitter this year. I am 9,100 miles away from home, family, friends, lifelong traditions, and everything known. My outlook progressively soured as December 25th drew closer.
On Christmas Eve, I was so, so sad, but also angry. I was angry at my past self for saying “yes” to the WR, knowing I’d be away from home for Christmas for the first time in my life. Angry that I’m in a closed country, so while it looks like Christmas and sounds like Christmas, it isn’t actually so because there is no Jesus here. Angry that everyone around me was bent on celebrating, when all I wanted to do was lay in the dark and throw a pity party for myself.
I begrudgingly went to Christmas Eve church service with my squad, but as I sat in an unfamiliar building, in an unfamiliar pew trying to stew in my selfishness, I felt my emotions give way to something better.
We began to sing songs and my anger dissipated as we sang about a baby in a manger. Tears threatened to fall as my frustration was replaced with the realization that no matter how many miles may separate me from my home at any given moment, Jesus is never farther than my own heart.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices. For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Tears began to fall as Jesus held me gently and eased away everything but him. Instead of guilt for how selfish I’d been, Jesus drew me into him. And into gratitude. Jesus is mine and I am his, no matter how I feel or what my circumstances are. He gave his life for me- something I cherish and believe so fiercely that I left everything behind to pursue a year with him. When I signed up for the WR, Jesus was my only guarantee.
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45
This year I chose to leave everything and follow Jesus around the world. I knew there would be sacrifice. I knew it would be a year of serving in ways I’ve never served, and growing in ways I never imagined. Although it will never be as much as Jesus paid, the personal cost of this year is still great.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.You are my friends if you do what I command.” John 15:13-14
Jesus calls me friend. I call him Lord, and Mighty Counselor. Jesus beckoned me to him, to follow him on this journey. He asked me to lay down my life for him, and I said “yes!”
See, more than anything (and I mean anything) I want to serve, follow, and be like Jesus.This comes at great personal sacrifice because to do those things, to go, and to be like him, I must look completely unlike the world.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2
“In the same way, those who not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.” Luke 14:33
The cost to follow Jesus is everything. EVERYTHING. Not just comfort or wealth. Not just family or friends. Not just being well liked or achieving higher. To follow Jesus will cost my life. It costs every drop of blood in my body. It costs every tear I ever shed or will ever shed. It costs everything. The cost is not for naught, though. I may give up everything of this world, but in return I gain everything. EVERYTHING. I gain eternity by giving up a few things on this earth.
“And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else.” Acts 17:25
God put his very breath in my lungs. Breath is life. God puts his breath in my body every second of every day. The cost for him is way higher than any sacrifice I will ever make. (Imagine putting breath into another person. Imagine the cost of saving someone’s life by giving up your own for them.)
At church on Christmas Eve, we sang The Little Drummer Boy. It has never been my favorite song, so I’ve never bothered to learn the worlds. But this year, as I read the words on the screen at the front of the room, a few stuck out to me (minus the pa rum pums).
I have no gift to bring, that’s fit to give a King. Shall I play for you, on my drum? I played my drum for Him. I played my best for him.
After we sang the song, one of the pastors stood up to address the congregation. A few seconds in, he paused and directly addressed my squad (all 46 of us-plus 3 alumni squad leaders- were sitting in the balcony of the church, conspicuous to everyone in attendance). He said to us,
“You have come a might long way for Jesus.”
In that moment, the weight of everything negative I’d been feeling, the anger I’d been carrying, the burden of giving everything up to follow Jesus disappeared and was replaced with Jesus’ load- which is easy and light.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your weary souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
I realized that my life testifies to the goodness and existence of God. My breath testifies to God’s glory. Suddenly the hard became worth it. When I was striving and feeling sorry for myself, the cost felt excruciating. But when I focused on Jesus, I remembered that I want to live and give my best to him. When I focused on Jesus, he traded my heavy burden for his light load.
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the test the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24
There is nothing I can do or give that will ever measure up to Jesus dying on the cross, but my life is the very best I can do. Just like that drummer boy, I have nothing to offer that is worthy for a King, but my very best effort, the very best I can give is my life- my devotion and love with every breath I breathe.
My life is but a song to the King.
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord you labor is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58
The verse above is my new team’s focus verse. It is the verse we chose in November on which to model our behavior and team culture. Today, it is the verse that reminds me how I want to live my life. I want to be steadfast (unwavering, resolute, firmly established, fixed in place) in my pursuit of Jesus. I want to be immovable (incapable of being moved from one’s purpose, not subject to change, not moving, unalterable) in my convictions and desire to look like Jesus (and not the world) and I want to always be abounding (rich or well supplied, to be filled) in the life I live for the glory of the Lord. And I KNOW that when I labor, pour out, and give my very best for Jesus, it is never in vain.
People! Merry Christmas! Guess what- I am leaving Asia and heading to AFRICA! I will be without wifi for the month of January, so I probably won’t be blogging and I definitely won’t be on social media.
My parents are coming to Parent Vision Trip in February! They are fundraising for their trip cost and their airfare. If you’d like to contribute to them getting to experience the World Race with me, let me know and I’ll get you the info to donate to them!
Thank you for being part of my journey and Merry Christmas!
Momma, Dad, Sue, LB, Aussie, and Skouty- I miss you SOOO much and can’t wait to squeeze you. And guess what, I’m basically halfway done with the WR and then I’ll get to see you! Momma and Dad…I’ll see you in 7 weeks!!!
