I came across some old blog posts today from a few years ago when I kept a personal blog. Writing has always been part of who I am as far back as a first grader penning stories and dreams in my jelly bean journal at school. Going back through the things I have written over the years has provided great insight into my life and heart at the moment I wrote the words, and usually a humorous moment as I recall my own whimsy or melodrama. In that personal blog, I mostly wrote about what God was doing in my life at the time…so not much different than this blog so far. Over and over again I wrote about the blessing of people in my life. I have been spoiled beyond reason where it comes to my tribe.
I can’t say every relationship has been easy, or is even still present in my life, but God has wowed me with the people he has put in my life. I have known funny, strong, smart, gentle, fierce people. I have learned how to be a daughter, friend, sister, aunt, confidant, and someday-mother from them. I have known love so strong and sweet it brings tears to my eyes, and the chasm of heartbreak from relationships breaking. So many seasons of my life have been defined by incredible people. I was talking to a dear friend the other day and realized what this season right now is being defined by: my incredible God.
“If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father’s house, then the Lord will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.” Genesis 28:20b-22
God astounds me. In ways big and small, he never fails to leave me speechless and in tears. My God knows me. He understands how my brain works and what makes my heart swell. God sees me and knows my every intimate thought. My heavenly Father knows my patterns, shortcomings, and failures. He knows my strengths, sweet spots, and triumphs. My God knows me.
Since God set me on this journey- well I should say, since I learned God had set me on this journey last summer, he has not only shown up every single time I ask (and even when I don’t), but has blown wide the short sided, human expectations I have when he does. Over and over again, my Father impresses and surprises me. When I feel all hope is lost, he shows me that not only is that not true, but that he’s going to make it happen and make it happen bigger than I ever dreamed.
Example: Around Thanksgiving, a friend who works at my church learned that I had been accepted on the WR and suggested I reach out to the church to help with my financial support. He gave me the email of the person to reach out to, so I emailed the pastor later that week. As we headed toward Christmas, I forgot about following up with the pastor and realized that it had been an awkward length of time to email again saying, “Remember me? Wanna give me money?” I sadly closed the book on support from my church and gave it to God. I honestly expected nothing more to come of it.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I got an email from a different pastor saying the previous one had passed along my email and information. He requested a meeting with me, stating that he’d love to meet me and learn more about my trip. I was baffled. God had put something back in my life that I had no hope of it coming to fruition. A week later, I walked into the missions pastor’s office, insides shivering with nerves. We talked for about 15 minutes and he prayed for me. Sidenote: everyone knows how frayed my emotional string is these days. When people pray for me, I weep. I barely kept it together long enough to hear him tell me he’d email me the next week with details of their support of my trip.
Wait, what? Not only had God given me the opportunity to talk to this man, but he’d secured a precious gift for me: financial support from my church. My church is wonderful but is large church with multiple hundreds of members. It is a place I feel small and unknown, though not is a sad or lost kind of way. God dazzled me by saying not only am I known, but I am prayed for and supported by a church full of pastors and members.
I am so humbled and grateful to have the support of my church. Not only has God provided financial security through my church, but also through so many sweet friends and family members. Seriously, the support just keeps coming in. It’s not in the way, or the timing that I expect, but in God’s hands which makes it so much better.
This is but one example of how God continues to show up and blow me out of the water. He has been my constant companion and my ever-present source of comfort and joy. Walking this road from job-possessing, car-owning adult (with way too many of the accoutrements of the American Dream) into a houseless, backpack toting missionary has been difficult to say the least. But God’s love and devotion to me never waiver, even when I do.
Friends- thank you for being on this journey with me and Jesus. Thank you for supporting me and praying for me. Thank you for being the incredible people that have shaped every season of my life so far. My prayer for you is that God shows up in your life just as he has in mine.
I also want to say this: if you don’t know my Savior Jesus, and you are curious about why I’m leaving my life behind to follow him, please reach out to me. I promise to meet you with love and kindness and not one bit of pushiness or condemnation. Jesus is a gentleman who lived his life drenched in love, and I wouldn’t dare shove him or his words down your throat. He’s pretty swell and has transformed me, and I know he can do that for you too. I love you and I am so grateful for you!
“Then Jesus called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?‘” Mark 8:34b-37
