This is a letter to the girls I worked with in the drug and alcohol rehab center in Bolivia. They are all between 13-18 years old and are working so hard to reach sobriety and wholeness in their lives.
I was so impacted by my time with them that I’m considering a career shift after the race, and am working on my next steps to make that happen. If you are connected to a rehabilitation center in/near Austin, TX, PLEASE let me know! I have lots of questions!
Dear girls,
The first day I walked into your house, I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to break through your exteriors to the love you the way you needed. I was afraid that your hard-set expressions and silence meant you wouldn’t open up. I was afraid I wouldn’t speak enough Spanish or would confuse my words and that you wouldn’t take me seriously. I was afraid I wouldn’t be what you needed, or that my representation of Jesus wouldn’t make sense to you. I was afraid that I would love you and end up broken hearted at the end of the month.
I was only right about the very last thing.
You embraced me so fully, even when I conjugated verbs incorrectly, even when I got frustrated and couldn’t remember the right words. You were overjoyed to make conversation with me, and showed me sooo much grace when I said “how do you want to be when you grow up?” Instead of “what day you want to be when you grow up?”
Little did I know that the first question was the one that I really did need to ask. It’s a question I’ve been asking myself daily for the last eight and a half months.
HOW do you want to be?
Your answers told me so much about who you are as people. Your answers had so much hope. Your answers told me of your strength and resiliency, of your faith in the Lord and your reliance on him as your Father. Your answers inspire me and make me want to be a better person.
You told me that you want to be doctors, mothers, shop owners, and pastors. You told me that you want to help people in the world, and love people the way you have been loved by volunteers and staff at your house. You told me you want to impact people for good and change the world we live in, even if you only change one person.
We played soccer together almost every day and even though I’m old and the altitude killed my lungs, you encouraged me and cheered me on when I scored a goal. We ate meals together and you offered to help me eat papaya because you knew I hate it. You told me what everything on my plate was, and told me it was okay when I didn’t eat everything.
You invited me into your life and told me your deepest, dearest wishes for the future. You asked me about mine as well, and I’m actually surprised by some of the answers I gave you. You pulled things out of me that I didn’t even know were there, and helped me grow in ways I didn’t know I needed.
You worshipped with me and sat quietly and attentively as I translated the message (probably poorly) into Spanish. You told me “your message was clear, and it impacted us” despite how hard it was to say some of the words. You closed your eyes and abandoned your pride as we sang Oceans together- in English and in Spanish.
You showed me a glimpse of heaven, where we will all worship our Lord together in our own languages. You showed me how beautiful humanity is if given a second glance. You showed me the goodness of our Father in simple, scrambled language conversation.
You, my sweet girls, showed me so much. Your lives are beautiful, complicated illustrations of the Kingdom of Heaven and I hope you know how much you mean to me.
I hope you never forget the conversations we shared, but more importantly, I hope you never forget our Father’s love for you. You told me you felt loved by me, and I hope you know that love is because HE loved us both first.
God gave me his eyes for you this month, and I am so grateful he did. He let me see how strong you are. He let me see how beautiful and valuable you are to him. Most importantly, he let me see a glimpse of your redemption and your return to his heart.
Girls, THAT is the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced. You are incredible and you will forever be part of me.
I love you with my whole soul and can’t wait to see you again in heaven, if not first on this earth. Keep growing, keep giving yourselves to the Lord, and keep working hard to be healthy and whole.
All my love,
Hermana Ashley
Momma, Dad, Sue, LB, AJ, and Skouty- I love you and miss you. I got to cuddle an alpaca today and I wish so much you had been there with me! But guess what, only 87 sleeps until I get to cuddle YOU. XOXOXO
