I can't focus. We land in Bangkok and my mind is a fast pace wreck. My thoughts don't feel of my own and neither does my body for that matter. Naturally, I start to "expect" how this month is going to be hard and probably not even one that I'll like for that matter..
We all leave the airport and hop into the trucks out front in the parking lot, we're in the hustle and bustle of Bangkok, Thailand now and off to our debrief location. Here's the thing about Thailand I failed to mention, it's our "woman-istry" month and the guys will be off doing their thang as well aka "man-istry". Time for the genders to get their bonding time in, eh? I was then told for the month of Thailand that I would be leading one of the teams that was staying in Chiang Mai and we would be working with Lighthouse Ministries.
I can't do that. I mean, I literally cannot do that and here's where my old fears kick in. I know nothing about the bible, I'm not knowledgable on things, how can I help anyone on my team if I feel like I can barely help myself, I have no clue how to lead out, #newbelieverproblems..the list could go for days to be honest.
With a slight whisper all I hear is, "take it to God." Funny how that phrase has followed me the whole entire race and I'm just now listening. See, there's this thing in "world race culture" where you're supposed to vent up to squad leaders, coordinators, etc etc up the ladder and praise down. God had something else in mind..He wanted me to vent up to Him first.
I found myself in situations of being just ears the whole debrief. I have never listened so attentively in my life without word vomiting up my problems as well..I have this uncanny ability at doing that if you don't know me. I was in a constant state of prayer and begging the Lord to tell me what to do, what to say, or how to just find peace with anything.
Guess what happened? Hold onto your pants folks, because He answered..
