The moment I was accepted to the WR I had a certain type of "wall" up. I was placed into a facebook page with experienced missionaries who had a very extreme relationship with God. I envied their knowledge and how strong their faith was which wasn't healthy from the get go for me to do. All I did was have this insecure feeling about how bad my relationship with God was compared to theirs. Did you hear that? I thought my relationship with God was BAD COMPARED TO OTHERS. I freaked out, overanalyzed, and thought I was going to be a serious black sheep.
-MONTHS PASS AND I CHANGE ROUTES (along with facebook groups)-
I become a part of this new July route and slowly built some relationships with people. I kept myself from becoming too attached from anyone, because let's be honest..I'm good with walls. Along with that-there's no way I'm going to tell strangers my deepest darkest secrets for fear of serious rejection. One day I own up a bit to my feelings to a fellow racer, something I didn't even do with my best friend. The feeling of shame, rejection, and why am I here? How do complete strangers tell me that I'm their inspiration? How can I be an inspiration to someone else when I hardly find it in myself.
"Don't discount how God is using you. Come as you are, not as you ought to be." – Katie
Did you hear what this girl just said, because she rocked my socks off. What am I doing in being ashamed of my past, my past is what brought me here with God. That's why I'm chosen. Remember those who Jesus chose? Oh ya. Why am I QUESTIONING what God is doing with me and my life?
Last night was top 10 one of the greatest nights of my life and it was so simple. I skyped with 7 (give or take) other World Racers and the conversation kept light the first 4-5 hours. It was as if we just couldn't get enough of one another and you know what it was? Was 110% the Holy Spirit with us last night. The last 2-3 hours were filled with prayer, tears, and laughter..and I could feel my walls coming down. All day today my life just felt as if it was glowing(?)…yes, glowing. I was so happy at everything..I even smiled at the road rage psycho who almost crashed into me. I even had an amazing response from God the moment I woke up. If this is how the World Race is going to be, then holy freaking cow this is going to be the best year of my life. "He only asks that we extend our hands as they are and not as we think they are." Beautiful hands.
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For When I am weak, then I am strong." – 2 Corinthians 12:10
I love this family.
