Chapter 1: Love Languages are Dumb

Remember just how mad I was?  How bitter I was?  How much I began to loathe quality time with people I was going to lose in each country?  Worship wasn't the same for me anymore because I had been avoiding Him and it was now catching up.  As I woke up to another morning of painting in the Bethel home, I woke up with that vibe of everyone around me was CERTAINLY not a "10".  I thought I had figured things out by crying and talking about things with Bria the night before, but quickly realized..I did not. 
I sought after my beautiful/precious little team leader and poured out that I was just exhausted..as if I felt empty.  God bless her for seeing the emptiness in me that I felt and from there she told me I had to go have a day for Him and I.  I quickly retreated into a room, brought loads of coffee, bible, journal, a packet about water baptisms a friend had given me, and locked the door behind me.  I began to pray out loud and realized how sad I sounded and how much I have just been longing for Him, but the problem is that I've been running.  I'm not even sure why I avoid Him..I feel as if it's a weird moment of getting intimate with someone and the fact of seeing all my "dirty little secrets" (sounds silly).  The moment I step into serious intimacy is when I have to truly FACE my so called secrets..so I avoid.  "Nothing is hidden from Your sight.  Wherever I go, You find me.  You know every detail of my life, You are God and You don't miss a thing."

In comes: LOVE LANGUAGES â€‹If you want to know something about me..it's that I cannot stand cliche things such as love languages.  I feel like it's a cheap way of describing how you communicate, kind of like a cheaters code to a video game.  On my date with God, He very much told me that I do have a love language that consists of quality time.  The zinger..He's jealous for it.  I began pouring into EVERYONE in Ukraine, giving my all to the family, the friends, the village kids, the ladies, my team, the other team, and just about anyone I met.  I wanted quality time nonstop..I'm not kidding at all when I say it became my drug.  Results?  I chose people over reading, praying, communicating, journaling, or just about anything with Him.  He wants me to have quality time with Him, also!  Duh, Ashley..duh.  I was constantly pouring out onto others and never filling up on Him which is what turns into such a debilitating combination.  

So, I decided to finish reading Matthew from when Carmen and I started it and quickly get to  
"Go to the people of all nations and make them my disciples.  Baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." – Matthew 28:19
I then receive an email from a friend back home asking if I had been baptized yet…
Interesting timing?

(Continue to Chapter 2)