The door is closed.
Don’t open it.
If you open it, you might risk seeing too many clothes; on the couch, on the floor, in a bag of clean, unfolded clothes, and a pile of dirty laundry next to the bed. There is sure to be paper on the table, a bible stacked on top of a notebook and books. There are two goodbye/see-you-later letters sitting on the couch with a notebook awaiting at least eight more to be written. There is a large box on the table. The bed is unmade. A large 65L Pack is laying on the floor with the travel bag opened and still not completely unpacked from a month ago after Training Camp. The green sleeping bag sits beside an empty suitcase which is beside the door, with a tank top strewn across the top. Somewhere on the floor or table are fundraising things, and underneath a blanket, the folder holding everything regarding World Race Stuff may be under it, but you’re not entirely sure. A bathing suit hangs over the doorknob on the inside of the door.
It’s private in there, no one can go in.
Should you proceed to open the door, you might get swept up into the tornado that’s actually happening inside.
My entire life I’ve always allowed the state of my room to be a mess. During college, it was okay, our door was always shut so no one could look inside and see the amount of disarray I really lived in. Whenever we needed to leave the door open, I’d constantly feel embarrassed because the idea of onlookers seeing my garbage made me feel uncomfortable and weird, like I was the only one living inside the mess I called home.
I could walk outside my door and lock it, make believe I was put together. I could plaster that smile on my face, wear those dresses because it literally took two seconds to put them on and still look like I tried hard that day. I could take some time on certain days and maybe put on makeup. But in the end, after classes, after a day of being out and about, I would always return to the same old mess, in the same old room, and I would either have to live with it or clean it up. I chose to live with it, forget about it, and stuff it away on my growing to-do list instead of cleaning it up on a weekly basis and dealing with it.
How many of us stuff our mess away? How many of us live in a state of disarray, allowing papers upon papers to pile up and take precedence over the necessary things that need our attention in life? How many people are tired of ignoring God in those messy moments we’ve tried so hard to stuff away over time?
It wasn’t until a couple nights ago that God spoke to me about this disarray in my life. He began to ask me about where He was in those moments that were so messy and brought me pain that I’d much rather leave hidden behind the closed door.
God invites us to let Him into the mess we create and try so hard to confine. He wants us to open the door wide so that we can see where He was in every moment that brought us pain. Let Him walk through your door and unpack the mess with you, it can only lead to freedom, after all.
In the past two weeks, God has completely blown me out of the water with how much He has provided. He is showing me time and time again that the more I put my trust and reliance on Him… The more I am real and share my honest and vulnerable heart with Him, with readers, and friends/family alike, the more He will provide for my every need.
At Training Camp, our Squad Mentor briefly told me in the middle of group-debriefing that the biggest hurdle I would most likely face on the race was expressing my needs to my teammates and supporters.
He was right. I’d rather curl up with a nest of snakes and spiders combined than ask for help.
Sharing my need is not easy, but the bible says ‘Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.’ (Matthew 7:7-8). So, in the fashion I do it (not well and certainly not perfect), this is what I need:
Donations – I am currently halfway funded for this Trip!! Thank You for helping me get there!! However, I am $1,500 away from my next deadline which is due on August 21st. Online donations need to be in by the 17th. If I don’t raise this money I face the possibility of not being able to go on September 9th with the rest of my Squad. I know that God is bigger than the $10,000 I need in order to leave, I just need your help to get to that deadline and I need you to allow God to move in and through you in order to let Him move and do His work.
Prayer – Pray for provision. Pray about ways you can help. Pray about donating. Pray that hearts would be moved to donate on my behalf in support of AIM and the ministry they are doing across the nations. Pray for my Squad. Pray for Uganda and all the ministry contacts our Squad will come into contact with next month… The prayer list could literally go on and anyone who knows me well knows that prayer is the thing I live for. If you want to know how you can specifically be praying for me in a deeper way, please contact me and I would be glad to unload and share more of my heart with you.
Please consider joining me in Faith.
His,
Ashley
