Continuation from my last blog post Restorative Valentine Prayers: Part 1 following the week in my journey of prayer and thought-process with God.
Wednesday:
Try to write prayers down. Struggle to write words, tell God how you are struggling even though there are so many things you could be thanking Him for, or praying about for others. Tell Him that the only words you have are ones that paint a picture and paint that picture:
“It is chilly out. My hands are in the pockets of my jacket. There are clouds in the sky that are fading into a beautiful shade of light-dark-navy blue. The snow on the front lawn at ENC surpasses the height of my own hips and I look up into a lit window in Gardner Hall, then over to the sky. I think about small blessings and the Robin I saw the previous day before. My heart is warm, spilling over in thanks. A peace that sits well in my heart surpasses all words of understanding. It is the small things that bring the most joy and peace to my heart. Small words, small actions. God, these small things are what make friendship so valuable, such a gift.”
Pray and canvas paint later on at Reach Out. Think about roots and how rocks can be imbedded inside roots, therefore stunting a tree’s growth. Think about how those roots are always going to be there. Desire restoration and struggle with whether or not that restoration is going to be simple or complex.
Thursday:
Complain to God. Tell Him how all you want is a one-on-one, cheap breakfast at night, and an adventure to share with anyone who is a friend of the opposite gender. Wonder if it’s normal (it is). Be thankful for the people on your squad who are also struggling with this restriction and be reminded that God has you in this season for a reason. Can I be frustrated and angry about this? Try to let it go. Write more with God. Keep praying for restoration, healing, friendship, your Squad, your school, and anything else you can think of. Keep getting encouraged to do something you don’t want to do, even though you know that when it ultimately happens, it will help bring healing and maybe the type of restoration you need.
Realize when writing again that if you are not writing, it is your way of trying to take control and not giving things over to God. Take a trip down memory lane and look at photos, think about summers and wonder if it was easier back then or if it’s easier now. Decide it was easier back then and realize how much change can occur in the timespan of four years, yet so many things can still be the same and just as confusing if you’re not giving it to God.
“I’m sure you are well aware that this has been something that has been weighing on my heart. You ask us to give you everything, which is why I’m writing to you about it right now. It’s just hard, God. I want to look at my support info. I want to date. I want breakfast at night. I want friends that are guys to hang out with and get deep with and I’m very specific and picky about guys because I want the people that are going to be genuinely nice to me and not think twice about it. But it is hard for me to draw lines. It is hard to know what is going on because a variety of worldly pleasures are running through my mind every single day. But what are your pleasures, God? Help my heart to rest in You because You are the only Rest and Love that I need…”
Friday:
Wake up to the notification that you’ve gotten a Valentine from someone. Wonder who, fall back to sleep. Go to classes, go to chapel. Think that the woman who is speaking in chapel sounds a lot like someone you knew over the summer, with her accent and soft voice. Think about the background people, Aeneas’s story in the bible, and how there must be so many people in the bible that you’ve read about but you’ve just skimmed over because the bigger names take precedence. Aeneas’s actions for God were just as important as those who had bigger stories.
Have a one-on-one with a friend and talk about prayer and how to hear God. “Help me to be patient in your timing. It’s easy to fall into a rut of ‘how things used to be,’ but now it’s time to think about how things are and where they could be despite it all. ‘Pile your cares on the Lord,’ the bible says, so that’s what I’m doing. It seriously helps me God, so thank you for being patient, fantastic, and always listening. I feel selfish, but there are days like today where I need to take the pile off and let it go. And then you’re always there. So thank you.”
Write more about the squad, pray for our accounts, think about how many laughs you’ll have in the future. Ask God for direction about summer and everything else happening. Thank Him, always.
Saturday:
I was feeling quite bummed last night before the group chat, but then I joined in with the squad… Which ended up brightening my mood on a whole new level last night.
I’m not going to lie and say it’s all pies and daisy’s here. It’s hard to feel excited and motivated about the Race when I feel like I’m not doing much (even though I’m making emails, getting info about joined fundraisers, setting up meetings with possible people who will support and/or just follow along in my journey and always thinking of new ways I can fundraise and trying to get those ideas out)… It’s hard to feel motivated when I don’t have a lot of my gear yet, and don’t even get me started on vaccination money. It’s hard to connect around school with people who aren’t in my boat… But then I get on group chats and it’s a bundle of laughter, joy, and encouragement, and my heart is full and the whisper from God in my heart telling me “You will go with these people, it’s okay, I will provide,” washes over me like a cleansing flood. And for a moment I am happy, forget my worries, struggles, sin, etc… And just revel in God’s goodness to all of us.
Valentines is a tough holiday for me. But as I think I’ve said a lot of times… The small blessings are the things that make life worth it, God is what makes life worth it, doing His work in His Will and Timing, is worth it. As long as I put forth the best of me and be myself, He can work, provide, and take it all. I put my trust in Him.
For funds, for The Race. I put my trust in Him for patience, understanding, and love.
And I pray that we can emulate these things through our actions. Through the love, patience, joy, happiness, life, etc… That God finds in us, I pray that it will ooze from our hearts and call us forth into action.
– – –
Just a Reminder.
Valentines Day Fundraiser!!
Easy as pie! Just click the “Support Me” button on the left and donate $14 on the 14th for Valentines Day! It would be a fantastic gift to spread love and God’s kingdom across the nations. You even the have option of Anonymously Donating if you want to keep it a Secret (Secret Admirers)!!
If I can get 10 people to each donate $14 on the 14th, I will have raised another $140!!
If you leave your name, I will write you an encouragement card in a month (when I am willing myself to look at my account again). If you decide to keep anonymous, know how grateful I am for your contribution in advance. Love each and every one of you so much!
Happy Valentines Day! Jesus is the man. :]
All my Love,
Ashley
