*Raises Hand*
I have a question.
What if God called me to be an extra? A janitor, a character in the background, a Dobby the Elf or Neville Longbottom, a nameless character or face in the crowd? What if God asked us to be the boy who only owned a sackcloth and ran away naked when Jesus was arrested for murder on the cross? (If you’ve got the NIV Bible, check out Mark 14:51-52, nameless boy is there and that’s the only gospel he’s mentioned in). So, honestly… What if?
In popular culture today, we’ve got television shows and movies that center upon one to three characters that are at the center stage of a story. Characters that do really fantastic and heroic stuff that make the story what it is. There are also characters that have names, but don’t play a hugely integral part in the overall story, but they help bring it forward nonetheless. Who are they?
What if they are us? What if these stories are ours? What if the main character in the overall story we all know as “Life” is actually God?
As a girl who was involved in theatre for years at a time from Middle School until Senior Year in College, I can tell you a whole lot about what it feels like to be in stage crew or an extra in the context of what the world thinks. I can also tell you a lot about what it feels like to be the lead from my own standpoint, and how sometimes being an extra, if you ask me, is kind of the better gig.
In a culture that tells us we “need this” or “need that” to be satisfied, it’s easy to yearn for that position of “lead,” not only when it comes to a stage-point of view, but when it comes to anything. In High School, I was given numerous opportunities to audition for characters and roles year round. I would always yearn to be those “leads.” Aka: The ones who got their own applause at the end, the ones who shined, and the ones, who frankly, worked their butts off to get that thunderous applause in the end. As I was a nameless extra in the stories we were telling in song and word, I forgot that my part was just as important to the story because I was seething in jealousy that I wasn’t chosen to be a “lead part.” In theatre there’s a quote that goes something like “there are no small parts, there are only small actors.” For years I was such a small, small actor.
My thought process quickly became “What can I do to get there?” I worked for it, taking on each extra I was cast as, as a Segway to get to where I wanted to be. I paid attention to the leads who “had it” in hopes that one day I would get there, too… Where I would have my time to shine because I was the center of attention, the lead of the show, the one who brought the story forward.
My senior year in High School was the year I “got there,” or so it felt that way. I was cast as a lead in a short One Act Play… Cool! I was pumped… But then responsibility got thrown upon my shoulders, then I had to be at every late night rehearsal, then I had to memorize lines, and I had to do it because that was the role that had been cast to me… All of a sudden, being an extra who fooled around in the hallway looked a lot more appealing and fun than all the work it took to be a big lead in a story that wasn’t even mine. The story wasn’t even mine!
What was I thinking? That as soon as I had arrived there, that I would feel life, feel better? Here’s the point where I would go back and tell Senior Year in High School Ashley… “Get a grip! It’s not about you at all!” Granted, old Ashley would probably laugh in my face… But after living my life the way I have for years, it literally makes me sick thinking about it… In this crazy story called “Life,” I’m not the center of the universe, and I don’t belong at the center of the universe, because if I were, that would imply that I am God… And I am definitely not God.
I am an extra. A face in the crowd. What a weight to be lifted off of these shoulders! Being an extra is actually nothing to be ashamed about, because the extras are who end up pulling the story forward. Let’s be real, Harry Potter would be nothing without the friends that helped him get to the point where he needed to kill Voldemort. Neville Longbottom, an extra character in the beginning of the Harry Potter Series actually ends up playing a huge role by book five, just because Neville was Neville, a courageous and brave friend. And that’s all he had to be. Neville and other friends of Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all willing to lay down their lives to help Harry conquer Voldemort. Even in John 15:13 it says “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” Harry was nothing without those extra people that helped pull his story forward. I think it’s the same with God.
God is still God, though. Even without us, He can do miraculous works and be who He is just because He can. The coolest thing I’ve come to know about God on this journey is that He is who He is, and we cannot place a box around His bigness and vastness. This huge and mighty God ended up choosing ME despite all the messy up in here. He chose a girl like me to send across nations to do whatever it is that He has in mind, and He knew me, and He is the reason I’m here. And let’s not forget that I’m just an extra in His story. I have no big “role” or “position,” but I have the Lord, and that’s just as awesome. I still have the beauty of life happening all around me, right at my fingertips… He’s the main focus driving everything I do. I help bring Him to the light by just being Ashley Cook, because that is what He named me and that’s all He created me to be. He is in me. By just being who I am and bringing Him glory, I also learn more about who He says I am, and who I desire to be (which is more like Him).
I am only an extra, and yet, because of Him, I can walk in confidence knowing who I am. I don’t need the label of a “lead” in this story called “Life” to have worth because I’m beginning to see that a label is not what I need right now to feel worthy of anything, but ultimately, He is… Because He wholeheartedly leads us to worth in who we are.
He’s the lead and He’s already “arrived” at the applause waiting for us at the end. I don’t need the approval of others because He has already settled my worth at the cross and who I am is truth already rooted deep inside the Gospel. That is truly all that matters. Our God is bomb diggity if you ask me! Knowing the weight has already been lifted because of His sacrifice for us and what He had to go through to make us free makes me all the more in awe of the fact that out of everyone, He chooses us to be extras; ambassadors and disciples who help shepherd more people toward Him no matter where we are. All we have do is live our lives the way He has called us to live, spreading the gospel of love through simple acts of faith and by just being our most raw authentic selves inside every community.
So what if God calls us to be extras? He’s the main focus and purpose in “Life.” At the end of the day, He just chooses to use ordinary people like you and me to drive the point home inside every heart that is open and willing to receive it.
