I’ve been a “visitor” since the day after I graduated high school. Between jobs that required me to be away from home and going to and from college, I’d say I’ve become pretty good at meandering in and out of the various people’s lives I’ve brushed up against in recent years because of one small, three lettered word – Yes.
Looking back, never in a million years – as a girl leaving for school – would I have imagined myself four years later having graduated from a Nazarene College and in the midst of fundraising to head out on an 11 Month Mission Trip called The World Race, and then being less than a week away from Launching. Four years ago, all I had were questions about God. I was scared, I was nervous, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t understand the concept of God and how He was always there.
Boy, what a whirlwind of a journey this visitor has been on in the past four years, especially leading up to every point until now. Each point having been because of a “yes” I committed myself to, not entirely knowing the outcome. Having Graduated and Survived College, feeling like I barely made it to the stage at Graduation – I am still scared and nervous, I still don’t feel ready, and I still have too many questions to count. I am hungry and the only difference now is that I know God is for me and with me to feed that hunger.
In a little over a week I will be flying off American soil for 11 Months, journeying across three continents to serve and love people like Jesus did. I’ll be back in the short time span of a year, but I may not be the same Ashley when I come back and you may not be the same when I return – it’s inevitable. But that’s okay. When time moves forward and ticks on, we are gently placed inside the life God has planned for each of us.
I’ve been excited, looking forward to, and working toward this for eight months. Now, my walk looks like leaving in abandonment for a while and being a visitor in foreign places unfamiliar to my eye. I’m ecstatic to walk alongside Him, holding His hand. A lot of this is scary because there are unknowns that come with saying this kind of “yes,” but it is necessary.
Since becoming comfortable in my “visitor” persona, I’ve had this odd feeling of misplacement. I have the certainty of Christ with me, but the feeling of being lost has never faded since I’ve begun my journey as an adult at 18. The more freedom I am given, the more I feel like I could be blown in the wind like a feather. As soon as I land, I could be swept up by the wind to be whisked toward my next destination.
This year is going to look a lot like that, if I’m being completely honest… Maybe that’s the unique thing about this Race before me. I will land in and run to places, working alongside God in what He is doing with already existing Ministries across the world; to love, love, and love until I can’t anymore. Then I will be taken to another country to do the same in a different way. It’s going to be painful to leave if I loved right – like Jesus did.
At the very end of this Race, that is the goal. To love like He did.
I pray that I can find comfort in that feeling of being lost and unsure, be present throughout the world this year ahead, and completely and wholly love like Christ did even when I struggle to see the “why” when I am pushed to my breaking point. I pray I can find and seek Jesus in every moment of doubt, worry, fear, and blindness, because it is often in our deepest feelings of misplacement that He can and will show up if we simply say the best “yes” offered to us and take His hand.
The best way to reach me when I am gone is by email ([email protected]). I will reach out to people when I can, but I still need to know that I am being thought of and prayed for. Please don’t hesitate to comment on a blog you like or email me if you want to know the inside scoop! It will honestly be through the small things like that that will let me know I am loved (Words of Affirmation is my Love Language 100%).
I will be posting to Instagram periodically and connecting those posts to my Facebook, so you will be able to see pictures.
Otherwise, have an adventure back at home for me and let me know how it went! 11 months is a really long time, but YES can be said anywhere.
I’m officially saying it… Will you join me?
YES! This is happening!!
Until Uganda, Africa, Friends.
His,
Ashley
