I almost went the other direction, took the path of selfishness and disaster. To be honest, there are still days that I walk in that. But then the Father so graciously leads me back on the path of righteousness and love.
If it were my way, I’d be married to the guy who won me over in middle school. My life would have revolved around him and all his desires. I would have given up all my plans just so I could be loved and wanted by this one person. But this one person couldn’t fill the void that I had in my heart, only Jesus could.
I wish I could say I instantly realized that, that I suddenly chose the path He wanted for me and didn’t step into the path of disaster, but I didn’t. It took me four years on and off in an unhealthy relationship to realize I was searching for all the wrong things. It took me losing my worth, my self-confidence, and so many valuable things before I realized what I truly needed was Jesus.
At the time my plan was to graduate from college, marry the guy I loved, find a job near home, and settle there for the rest of my life. But all the while I knew deep down in my heart that’s not what I, most importantly God, wanted. I felt a greater calling on my life. I always knew God was calling me to a more than ordinary life, but I continuously ignored it because I knew that meant stepping out of my comfort zone. I made up my mind, I was choosing the norm and I was going to live the life that I wanted to live.
But God, the one that fights for every part of my being, the one that doesn’t stop until He gets what He wants continuously fought for me.
There I was, for the fourth time, praying that God would bring me out of this relationship. I was tired of the hurt, tired of feeling like I was unworthy of being loved, tired of living in sin, and tired of running to the things that only left me feeling empty. I was the prodigal son who realized that I left all I ever needed running back to my Father whose arms were opened wide. And He embraced me, the beautiful disaster that I was. He looked past all the dirtiness, all the insecurities, and wrapped His arms around me and showed me that I was worth loving. He showed me once again that I was worth dying for.
He healed me of my brokenness and cleansed all the sins that I had once committed. To this day I can say that I am so grateful I chose Him. I chose a love that completely covers all of my sins, that shows me that I am worthy, and that never runs out. I chose LIFE!
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!” Deuteronomy 30:19 NLT
And because of my obedience to Him, because I chose life, I’m now sitting in an airport floor preparing to go on my first flight for this crazy but beautiful adventure called the World Race. In a little over 24 hours I will land in Haiti and begin working at an orphanage ministry called “Grace So Amazing” where I’ll be able to love on and minister to several children. I’ll get to witness their beautiful smiling faces and hear their joyous laughter. I’ll get to show these children that they have a heavenly Father that loves them with the deepest of love. I get to do this, I get to experience this life that He chose to give so freely. Y’all, it honestly doesn’t get any better than this.
And I can’t help but think of the life that I would be living if I wouldn’t have chosen Him and His will for me. All the blessings and experiences that I would have missed out on if I would have decided to strive for my own selfish desires and live a life against His will. But THANK YOU JESUS, I get to live a life that is filled with Him and His promises! That He fought for me even when I didn’t feel like I was worth fighting for. And since He fought for me time and time again, I will choose Him over and over again, because He deserves that much and more.
