June 1, 2019
Bucharest, Romania
Last night of debrief//last worship session// spirit led worship night (aka NO plan)
Heading to the airport to go to Africa in T-minus 9 hours!!!
At the beginning of the worship session, Madie felt the Holy Spirit tell her we were supposed to have communion, so without telling anyone and only taking one other person with her, they left to go buy juice and bread for communion.
During the time she was gone, prophetic words were given to the group:
I expressed God’s plan for an outpour/ downpour of the Holy Spirit during our time in Africa, especially as we were literally heading into rain season- God was using that as a symbol of how he was going to bring an outpour of his presence to overflow out of us into the land.
Martha the encouraged us that as we are learning to put proper boundaries around our lives (which we had focused on a lot during the week in order to start preparing us to go home to keep us protected and out of sin), she reminded us not to put boundaries on God, to take him out of the box that makes sense.
Then Hannah said the Lord told her to keep her eyes on him otherwise this will all crash and burn. We will fall and fail if we don’t keep our focus straight with our eyes on him (When I heard this I immediately thought of the story of Peter in the Bible walking on water and how he started to drown every time he looked away from Jesus, he started to sink).
Karlie then said God still wants to bring someone freedom. Even to a person who thinks they’re walking in freedom, but don’t realize God still has more.
In the moment, I didn’t realize these were all for me, but it turns out they were.
When Madie came back with communion, she had two cups of juice and two loaves of bread to pass around and rip off a piece to dip in the cup. So here’s the catch, I have a ton of food allergies. I can’t eat gluten, wheat, rice- basically anything that tastes good and is made of grains. I have had these allergies all my life, but like eye sight, they continually got worse as I got older, so by the time I was in college I was unable to eat anything at all without going to the doctor. In my mind, I was unable to participate in communion because I couldn’t even take a sip of the juice by the time it came around because everyone had dipped their bread in it. Yet, as Madie read scripture pertaining to communion, my spirit quickened inside of me, I remembered Martha’s and Karlie’s words that it was time for freedom and I shouldn’t limit God to just healing my ankle.
-I was limiting God to just healing to my ankle, because I figured if he hadn’t even done that yet, why would I add more to his plate for him to do for me by asking for more healing. Plus, my allergies don’t bother me too bad, I just always feel bad on the race when our hosts have to go above and beyond to help me have food to eat; I always just feel like a burden to them.
However, when the bread got over to me, I felt spirit tell me it was time for my healing and I needed to take some bread. While Madie still read scripture, I just sat there, shaking in my boots, and as soon as she stopped reading I jumped to my feet-not of my own choice; it was like I wasn’t even the one in control of my body- and I started speaking. I asked my squad to pray for me. I explained how the spirit told me it was time for my healing, but I was so scared of the healing not coming through and getting sick (it typically takes about 8 hours for the allergy to affect me and make me sick enough to go to the doctor. It’s not an immediate reaction). I was scared of what would happen if I obeyed but didn’t actually experience healing – because for nearly three years now (2 years, 10 months), I’ve been praying healing for my ankle which I still haven’t seen, so I had to choose to have faith in the unseen even when I have never physically seen healing manifested in my life. I had to choose to believe the truth of the word of God more than my experiences of life. I had to choose not to let my experiences define my God but let me God define himself. So my squad all prayed for me, and I ate the bread. The verse I kept hearing in my head is that perfect love casts out all fear, so I had no reason to fear getting sick because my God is perfect love.
Right as I took communion, I repeated the phrase “I take this in remembrance of you.” And as if I wasn’t crying already, I started bawling because God gave me the most powerful revelation. The scales fell off my eyes; I could see! I took communion in remembrance of him- not just of the salvation he gave me (which yes, is incredible and powerful and amazing)- but in remembrance of the healing he bought for me on the cross to have here and now. In taking communion of remembrance of him, I was taking it in remembrance of the healing he bought for me on the cross because by his stripes I am healed! By taking it in remembrance of him, it was as if I was receiving the memory of the healing he had for me before I was even born! I received healing as I received communion.
For the rest of the time in worship, and for the rest of the night, anytime doubt tried to creep in that I would get sick/ my healing wouldn’t really come, I remembered Hannah’s word to keep my eyes on him, so if doubt came to mind, I would just start praising him and worshipping him and thanking him. The song that came on during this time was “Hallelujah Here Below” by Elevation Worship. So I just kept yelling hallelujah anytime fear or doubt tried to take over my mind. He- the Lord- then told me I didn’t have to fear getting sick because he loves me more. And then that’s the only words that could come out of my mouth for almost 20 minutes:He loves me more.
He loves me more.
He loves me more.
He loves me more than my allergies ability to make me sick.
He loves me more than fear’s ability to make me doubt.
Right as I took communion, I repeated the phrase “I take this in remembrance of you.” And as if I wasn’t crying already, I started bawling because God gave me the most powerful revelation. The scales fell off my eyes. I could see! I took communion in remembrance of him- not just of the salvation he gave me (which yes, is incredible and powerful and amazing)- but in remembrance of the healing he bought for me on the cross to have here and now. So when in taking communion of remembrance of him, I was taking it in remembrance of the healing he bought for me on the cross because by his stripes I am healed, so by taking it in remembrance of him it was as if I was receiving the memory of the healing he had for me before i was even born! I received healing as I received communion.
As the night went on I had to fight to keep my eyes of Jesus. My spirit cried out from inside me to remind me that he is bigger than my flesh. He is God- NOT my flesh, so he is in control. He holds the power. He has the final say.
These are the words my spirit cried out (which I recorded later in my notes):
You are greater
You are stronger
You are God
Your spirit is bigger
It’s bigger than my flesh
It’s more powerful than my flesh
My flesh may feel like getting sick
My flesh may feel like rejecting the food
But you are God
But you have the power
But your spirit is bigger
Your spirit is alive inside of me
Your spirit is more powerful than my flesh
Your spirit is greater than what my flesh wants
Because you love me more
Because you love me more
You are God
My flesh isn’t
Neither is my allergies
Neither is my pain
You are greater than all
You are bigger than all
You are more powerful than all
You have the final say
They have no say. You are God. They are not. So you are in control.
So my flesh may feel like getting sick, my body may feel like rejecting the food, by my God has the say, my God has the control, my God decides whether or not I’ll be sick and he said I am healed, so I am healed.
Anytime doubt crept in, I found myself on my knees bowed down in a way which my heart could be above my head. In this time I did not need logic to lead me. I needed faith to rise up inside of me. I laid myself before my maker. I know when my computer broke, I had to take it to the creator to fix it, so that’s exactly what I did with myself. I brought myself to my creator for him to fix what was broken inside. Since he designed me, he had all the knowledge and ability to put me back together in the way I was originally meant to be. And he doesn’t just halfway fix either, when he brings healing, he brings FULL healing.
And guess what,
4 hours later, 8 hours later, 12 hours later, 24 hours later I had no allergic reaction!!! 1 week later I am STILL healed (and I’ve had bread every single day since)!!!!
(* there was one moment, right when I got off the plane in Ethiopia, I felt sick. There could have been a lot of reasons this was so- motion sickness, sleep deprivation (aka 3 hours of sleep in 48 hours), etc. and I almost felt like it was spiritual attack on me since I had finally landed in the country which I had been called to since I was 5 years old. But I wasn’t going to let the enemy steal my healing because I know he has no power to take anything from me, he can only have what I give him, and I can only give him my freedom if I doubt it and don’t believe it for myself. I refused to let the enemy have my miracle. So again, I cried out to the Lord. literally cried because I had no words, and then a verse came to my memory which is Isaiah 43:13- when the Lord works, NONE can reverse it. I had a new understanding of God’s power and the truth of this verse as I declared it over myself again and again, now believing and realizing just how powerful God is, that if he gave me healing, none can reverse it. None can take it away!!!)
How incredible is it that this is how I ended my precious season/ started this last season of the race. If this is how my time in Africa has begun, I can’t even begin to imagine all that the Lord is going to do in the coming days/ months!!! This is just the beginning of my last season of the race, what on earth could God be planning to bring next!?
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Also, for the rest of the race I will be off of social media until I’m home. Please subscribe to my blog to stay updated with the trip and feel free to share with others!
