I was cleaning out my computer… and I found this… I wrote it 2 years ago when I was in Thailand and it was an incredible reminder of what I needed to remember now.
“So i was in the bathroom this morning [i know a really awkward way to start a blog post huh? oh well.] and i was like attempting to wake up, you know that like oh my gosh why am i moving right now, everythings kinda hazy, kinda moment. Yeah that was me this morning. So anyways, i noticed this little line of fire ants wandering all over the walls.And there are ants everywhereeeeee here, but this was like an infestation in the bathroom. There were so many! Now, my normal reaction would be to scream ANTTTTS and attack them with the little shower sprayer, but for some reason i didn’t do either of those things this morning, they actually made me think. And i don’t know if its because i wasn’t fully awake and it would of taken a lot of effort to attack them or what the deal was but i just stood there watching them wander all over the walls.
they were on a mission. they were so busy moving all about, so early in the morning, and they were running around quite quickly. I just stood there watching them trying to figure out what it was they were attempting to do. then i realized that there were big dead bugs and they were trying to transport them up a wall to wherever their little ant home was. And they were trying so hard. Part of me wanted to help them by either moving the bug for them, or by just picking them up and moving them to the bug. but i just kept watching and then i looked around the bathroom, at how big it was compared to the little tiny ants and i looked at myself and saw how big i was compared to the little tiny ants.. I took up almost the whole bathroom (its a small bathroom…) They must of been terrified. I had the power to kill all of those ants, to wipe them out in a huge flood of water, or to strike them down with my foot. But i couldn’t. I took mercy on them because they were trying so hard to just do the task at hand. They were just trying to get this little bug home. I know that if i would of moved them, they could of become lost, or would not of known how to make their way back to where they came from so i knew that they needed to do this on their own. So i stood back and just watched them try and climb the walls. Of course I could see the whole wall, so i could see the closest route to the end, and i could see the upcoming drainpipe that they were eventually going to run into, and i could see that they were going to have to go around the mirror eventually, but they couldn’t see any of that. They could only see what was right in front of them. To them it must of looked like a HUGE journey. So i found myself cheering them on and gettting excited when they finally figured out how to go around the drainpipe or the mirror or when they finally made it to the little bug. I admired their determination to get this little bug up the wall home. I admired that they worked so efficiently. I didn’t see any ants sitting out, they were ALL moving. And i just stood there watching them go about their journeys, watching them learn as they went, and protecting them from the creepy spiders in the corner that were eyeing them as their lunch.
And then for some reason, i imagined myself being one of those ants. And i imagined what it would feel like. And i think, it would feel kind of like i do being here in Thailand, or even back home in a way. Where God is standing back watching me as i go about my journey. Obviously He can see the whole picture, the drainpipes i will encounter, the mirrors i will have to find a way to get over, and the creepy spiders lurking in the corner trying to get to me. He can’t just pick me up and put me at my final destination because I would of skipped the journey in the middle, i wouldn’t of known how i had gotten there, i would be so confused and lost and i would have no undertanding of the world i was in. In life I have to learn how to get where I am going. There is so much growth and beauty in the persuit and in the journey itself. I imagine that He is there, the same way I was with the ants, protecting me from the spiders in the corners, but allowing me to choose my path. Yeah, He can see the easiest route, the most efficient way, but He has to let me pick my own route. So I imagine Him standing there cheering me on as i go about my journey. I imagine him cheering, as i did, when I figure out how to get around the drainpipe, or when i figure out a way to get over the mirror, and i can imagine Him jumping for joy when i reach my final destination.
The sad reality is, that we are even smaller than those ants. This is a BIG BIG world and we are just a small tiny part of it. But the incredible and amazing side of this reality is that we do have a BIG BIG God who takes up the size of our “bathroom” our world. And He can see the whole bathroom, walls, drainpipes, mirrors, and all, and He knows where we need to get and the best way to get there, but He stands back, protecting us from the creepy crawly spiders, and He watches us journey and takes delight as we experience things for ourselves. He cheers when we overcome obstacles and He rejoices when we leap over mirrors. And He most definitely jumps for joy when we reach our final destinations. He has all the power in the world. He has the power to scream at our sin and our faults, “GROSS, UGH, ANTS” and wipe us out with a huge flood or stike us down as easily as putting a foot down, but He doesn’t. He just simply stands and watches us.
Needless to say, I let the ants live [i can’t promise they will live forever, Becca -my teammate and roommate- is an Ant Hunter and i believe she was planning on buying more ant death spray today…] But I will not be the cause of their death. I waited until they had successfully transported the little bug back home and then proceeded to get ready for the day, but i couldn’t wipe them out, i owe these little guys, they taught me a great lesson this morning, God keeps using amazing, strange ways to get into my stubborn head.”
I definitely needed this reminder today.
