I’m sitting on my couch curled up in sweatpants and blankets trying too write this on my phone because well my computer finally died. It’s thanksgiving day and today I am thankful that I can say that I’m thankful. Yesterday, yesterday I was so so bitter.
I had plans to head to south Carolina with my mom and stepdad for my sisters graduation from basic training and for thanksgiving at the base together. We were going to leave Monday morning. Things have been rocky between my family and I for like… Well the past 5 years really..But especially recently. They aren’t particularly fond of my decision to sell all my possessions and answer God’s call for my life to head out into the missions field. I won’t be making nearly enough money or using my “incredibly blessed mind” in the right ways to make them proud. But I can’t ignore God calling me any longer and I’ve never been so sure of something in my life so my decision stands as is.
So anyways I found out Saturday that I’m no longer invited/was never really wanted to go along this week. Which, in all honesty, shouldn’t of surprised me too much but it stung and it hurt deep. So this whole week I’ve just been bitter. So angry and so hurt. Of course I had offers from incredible people around me to go and spend the day with them but I was still just upset that I had to go to someone else’s family. Then to top it all off yesterday I got sick. Yay. Too much negativity i think.
So last night while I was laying on the couch trying to sweat out my fever, consuming all soft foods I had, while watching sappy hallmark movies (horrible idea… seriously couldnt stop crying), feeling pathetic and sorry for myself, God gave me a slap to the face.
So I’m thankful. I’m thankful for that slap and I’m so thankful that God is my father, always has been and always will be. And I’m thankful that my home is not here on this earth but in heaven.
Im thankful I woke up feeling better today and was able to cook a full thanksgiving meal for myself today. I’m thankful for my health, a hot meal, my home, blankets, NyQuil, milk.. Ahh I love milk, kindness, so so many things. I’m thankful that God continues to pursue me and love me even when my heart is calloused and bitter.
Im so thankful that I know what it means to be thankful. I’m thankful for what God did through Jesus Christ on that cross for me and all of us. I’m thankful that this is my temporary home and that one day I’ll forever be home with my Father and Savior who will never forsake me or abandon me and who is the definition of unconditional love.
