I’m not going on the world race.
What? Well. The reality is, my next deadline is in 5 days, and I’m still $2800 in my account away from reaching it, and if I don’t reach it; I don’t go. Period. No ifs ands or buts.
And that’s okay.
Now before you go reading into that last statement and take it as meaning I’m giving up on fundraising and I no longer want to go. WRONG. Do I want to go? Oh my goodness, yes. So badly. So so so badly. Do I still feel called to this? Without a doubt in my mind and heart. And am I still asking you to donate and help me get there? I am desperately begging you to help me.
But you know what. I had one prayer going into this whole World Race thing.
That I would become more like Jesus.
And yeah I’ll admit I’m confused… because I’ve never felt so called to something before like I do to this race. But I had one prayer for this journey; I wanted to look more like Jesus. I wanted to know my God and know Christ more intimately then I had ever known Him before. I wanted to be broken, I wanted God to have his way in my life. And God led me to the Race and I applied and I got accepted. And God spoke this to me; he called me here, to the World Race, to this exact route, and to this incredible group of people. I love them. So much that it hurts. Man do I love them. They are my family. And I want so desperately, to not be ripped from them.
But, lately I have been worried. I’ve been terrified. I’ve been nervous. I’ve been timid. I’ve been lonely. And that’s not like Christ. Somewhere in this it became more about the money, than it did about my initial prayer. I got lost being overwhelmed with fundraising and deadlines and whether or not I would meet them. It was stressing me out. If I was to really honestly open up here as to how I’ve been feeling the past few weeks, I’m not really sure it’d be a very nice blog to put up on the internet for you all to read. It’d talk about how I felt disappointed, alone, on my own, isolated, and unloved, because I haven’t seen much support from my friends, and family, and community. I’ve felt isolated because people weren’t interested in what I was doing and willing to help me get there. And I’m not really even sure how to explain it.
But I got lost.
And it’s not about that. It’s not about the money. I mean yes of course I need the money to go on the Race. That’s just the way it is. But that was my flesh feeling those things. My flesh was feeling fear.
Because when i come back to Christ and I begin to pray again that I just begin to look more like Him; I’m overwhelmed with a peace that whatever happens, His hand is in it. His will be done.
So Savior I come.
I quiet my soul.
Redemption’s hill where your blood was spilled for my ransom.
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost.
Lead me to the cross.
Where your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
rid me of myself,
I belong to you.
Lead me.
I am not my own. I am yours. And I want nothing more than to be like you.
So here’s the deal. My fundraising bar hasn’t moved at all and my next deadline is a mere 5 days away. And the reality is, if I don’t get the funds; I don’t launch with my team and my squad in July. And I’m done writing blogs begging you all for money and for support. I just ask one thing. All I ask is that you pray. Pray and see if the Lord is calling you to give and to support me. If you feel led to give, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Because again, this is my family, this is my heart, and I do, desperately desire to go.
And here’s an even bigger part of the deal. You may not feel led to support me. And that’s okay. Many of you have your oppositions to my going on the race; I’ve heard them from you all; whether it being my not having finished school yet, or these being my “prime most productive years and I’m going to leave for a year and make no income” or whatever the reasons may be. Well. Then don’t support me – but support these people.
Andrew Parkin – http://andrewparkin.theworldrace.org/
Kayla VanEs – http://kaylavanes.theworldrace.org/
Becca Mussatti – http://beccamussatti.theworldrace.org/
Andy White – http://andywhite.theworldrace.org/
Beth Montgomery – http://bethmontgomery.theworldrace.org/
Alexa Kwiatkowski – http://alexakwiatkowski.theworldrace.org/
Debbie Bein – http://debbiebein.theworldrace.org/
Kapri Hernandez – http://kaprihernandez.theworldrace.org/
These are squad mates of mine who are beyond called to this Race. They are incredibly amazing individuals that have an amazing heart for the Lord. God has brought them here and called them to this and they need help. You may not support me going, and that’s fine, so give to them. Help them get there. Go check out their blogs, get to know their stories. Fall in love with them, just like I have. I have fallen in love with every single one of them and the idea that they won’t get to live out their calling and dream because of a few bucks – it deeply hurts me. I’d sell everything I had, if I hadn’t already done so…, to get them funded. Please. I beg you. Skip your Starbucks this week and give them some support and some help.
I don’t know what more to say than just that. I mean I wish I had the ability to make some amazing video that would tug at your heart strings or write a magnificent song that would just bring you to tears, but alas, I can’t do any of these things. I am just me. And my words are all I have. And I’m sorry if I’m not nearly inspiring or eloquent enough to move you all to be on board with me or with us. But it is what it is. All I can do at this point is pray. Pray that your hearts would be moved to partner with us in this journey. And just pray that throughout it all, regardless of the outcome, I would look more like Jesus.
