…i am terrified.
The past few days have been filled with stress, tears, disappointment, and array of other things/emotions. But, the most daunting of them all is the fact that I have not even begun fund-raising for this journey.
I think back on my fund-raising experiences for past trips and not one of them compares to the one i am taking part in now. I have never procrastinated like this or doubted that God could really do it. No. this is something different. There is something going on.
when i had to time to really think on it.. i realized that it was fear. fear was taking control. fear is taking control. I am afraid of a lot of things right now. I am afraid of the things i will miss. I am afraid that I am making the worng choice. I am afraid that i will fail. I am afraid that I'm not good enough. I am terrified…But, i have decided to take the reigns again. I can't let those fears keep me from doing what God wants me to do.
I won't let them.
I will miss things and events. But, I will also make so many more memories and meet so many new people. I am not good enough. But, thank the Lord that there is mercy and grace. I will be gone for what seems like a long time. But, God is not bound by time. I may fail. But God is my strength and portion forever.
for the record… i am still terrified.
