You know people always say things like you shouldn’t take what you have granted or that you should appreciate the things you do have instead of dwell on the things that you don’t have. And my response when people say these things has always been to just nod my head and say, “yeah yeah yeah, I get it.” But in my mind I’m rolling my eyes and letting it go in one ear and right back out the other and thinking, “I don’t want to hear that right now, why don’t you say something that’s actually gonna make me feel better?” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always thought that these sayings have truth and value to them and the people saying these things have good intentions, heck, I’ve even used these lines myself; but sometimes they’re said too much and you become numb to the message behind the words and life is just hard and you’re feeling really defeated by Africa and there’s things you really really want but don’t have and you just want to sulk and have your very own little pity party and imagine how great your life could be if you just had these things. And before you know it, you get so caught up in the you show that you forget that it was never really about you anyway. It was never meant to be about you. Because at the end of the day these things that you want, these things that you don’t have, they’re just things and they won’t ever live up to the picture that you have in your head of what your life could look like if you just had those things and even though they may bring you temporary happiness if you did indeed have them, they are fleeting and their thrill will eventually wear off and you’ll inevitably grow tired of them and they will leave you feeling unsatisfied, let down, searching for more. And when you make it all about you, when the you show is the only thing ever playing on your television, you risk becoming a lot like the prodigal son’s brother. You become so fixated on the things that you think God owes you, that you think you deserve or that you’ve earned, that you miss out on what’s right in front of you. You get to be with the Father, you get His imperishable, undefiled, unfading inheritance, He tells you that everything He has is yours, He gives you His whole self and His whole heart; but you look around and through the lens of this broken world, it looks like God is holding out on you or that He’s kind of just forgotten all about you and skipped over you and you lose sight of all the wonderful things that are yours simply because God calls you His child.
And sometimes it takes a trip to a sketchy hospital in Sunyani, Ghana where the smell in the reception area makes your stomach do flips and there’s trails of dried blood on the floor and the waiting room is filled with way too many sick and dying people to remind you that living a life that is centered around you is a sure way to waste your life, but living a life that is centered around the source of Life Himself is a life that is full, whimsical, exhilarating, adventure-filled, satisfying, more than we could ever dream of, the only Life that fits us just right. This hospital waiting room kind of reminded me of what I imagine the scene from John 5 where Jesus heals the man at the pool looked like before Jesus showed up- sick and dying people everywhere, ready to quit, ready to give up hope, just barely hanging on, struggling to just get by, searching for answers and healing and life in all the wrong places, stuck playing the its all about poor little ole me game. But Jesus steps on the scene and everything changes. This one guy who has been laying by this pool, waiting for something to happen for way too long and who is way too sold into the it’s all about me mindset takes his eyes off of himself for just one tiny second and looks up to see Jesus standing over him. And Jesus asks him a simple question, “do you want to be healed?” This may seem like a silly well no duh Jesus of course this dude wants to be healed question, but I think Jesus is asking him something more than if he just wants physical healing. Jesus is asking him if he wants to stop wasting his life, if he’s tired of living in this all about me mentality, if he wants to drop everything and leave it all behind and follow Him and truly live. And so not only does Jesus heal this man physically so that he is able to walk again for the first time in what must’ve felt like forever and a year, He does one better, Jesus breathes Life back into him! And Jesus asks all of us the same question.
Jesus may not have healed me physically in that exact moment in the waiting room of that shady, dirty hospital, but He sure did give me a little reality check and hit me real hard in the gut with some hard truths and bring some Life back to my soul! Because here’s the crazy thing, as soon as we take our eyes off of ourselves, off of the things that we want but don’t have like our health or the comforts of home or that one job or that certain amount of money or that relationship with that one person or whatever it is for you, and we shift our gaze back to Jesus, we refocus our lives on the one thing they were always meant to be about, we can’t help but be overwhelmed by His incomprehensible love for us. We can’t help but see His fingerprints all over our lives and all the ways that He has blessed us immeasurably more than you could ever imagine. We can’t help but be filled with a spirit of such great gratitude.
And so I’ve started doing this new thing- I start every day by redirecting my focus away from me and onto the one thing that my focus was created to be on, Jesus. I thank Him for waking me up, for His mercies that are new every single morning, for filling my lungs with breath, for orchestrating each one of my heartbeats. I even thank Him for the mundane routine everyday things like teeth to brush and hair to fix and a face to wash and a brand new day to get to know and experience more. And so although I don’t particularly like doctors and hospitals and needles and not feeling good, I rejoice over my time of sickness here in Africa and my little trip to the shady hospital that night, because even in my worst, self-centered moments, Jesus comes and invites me over and over to pause the all about me show and start living the full, wild, fun-filled Life He always intended for me to live and every time He invites me in, I pray that my answer will always be a very loud, very enthusiastic, “YES!” because nothing quite compares to the crazy once in a lifetime kind of adventure that is a life lived centered around Jesus.
