You already know the answer to that.."
He's right--I did know the answer to that. I've known the answer to that since month 2 of the Race. Why haven't I said anything until now? Well, because month 2 was only the beginning. Why would I spend the entirety of this year focusing on what comes next? This year was NOT a year to get lost in "planning" for the future. This year was a year to get lost in my Father.
Not just this year, though.. I want to proclaim this over every year for the rest of my life: My life is NOT a life of "planning", my life is a life of getting lost in Him. I think I've done enough "planning" the last 22 years. And let me tell you, none of my plans have worked out--for that, I am beyond thankful. :) The truth is, this life isn't even mine to plan. This life is a gift from my Father, and I want to give it back to Him and to spend it completely for Him--in whatever way He guides.
Although I've known since February, I've officially known, for about a month now, that me and God are going to take this next step. My road split in 2 directions back in February: 1.) I could go back to my "comfortable" life after this trip, losing many things I would gain throughout this year--including a beautiful intimacy with God (that is still growing) and the confirmation to be a long-term missionary (oh, how my human-heart wants that comfort so bad), or 2.) I could keep following God into the unknown, continuing to grow in the many things I would gain throughout this year--including a beautiful intimacy with Him (that is still growing) and the confirmation to be a long-term missionary (oh, how full my heart is becoming in this crazy, beautiful, Kingdom-life, and how my definition of comfort is changing). And so, about a month ago, a "yes" was said, a miracle happened, a doubt was destroyed, a peace was given, and a heart was set. Isn't it crazy how even though we know without a shadow of a doubt that we are called to do something, we let the tiniest things make us doubt? We have to make a continuous, conscious choice to trust Him. And so, I am.
What's beautiful about that, is how patient our Father is--how He is always wanting to show Himself to us, even in our tiniest moments of doubt. How quick He is to give us the confirmation and affirmation that we so desperately long for, even though He has given it to us time and time before. He loves to use these times to show Himself to us, to pour out His love on us. I'm still learning this, and I love it.
Father, I trust You. Let's do this thing! :)
And to you, yes you, reading this... I want to do this thing with YOU! Will you join us? I know God has a lot planned for you, in this thing, too.
With love,
Ash
