It’s official, I am home!
As the plane descended into New York at the JFK airport, I could feel the warmth of familiarity beckoning me in from a long journey abroad. I felt a little bit like how I assume a soldier feels coming home from war. Exhausted, excited, different.
One thing they don’t really tell you about coming home is that you can be there and still feel a little homesick. Over the last 11 months, I’ve learned to make home out of wherever I set my pack down. Home became less of a location and more of a choice. It was a choice to invest in the people around me, a choice to find contentment in the Lord and not my circumstances. So as I sit here in luxury once again, I am still finding myself choosing home.
You see when I left for the World Race, I was running. I didn’t necessarily realize it at the time, and I certainly wouldn’t have admitted to it if I did, but the point is that I left scared. Scared of what was to come, scared of what would be if I stayed, scared to be who I actually was, and scared to admit that I didn’t have it all together. Yep, really scared of people knowing that I didn’t have all the answers or a back up plan. Really afraid of people seeing my brokenness. So, I just left. I left running scared with a mask on, little did I know I was running into the arms of the Father who would show me how to take the mask off.
During the last year I have been stripped of so much that was holding me back. I have been stripped of the need to people please and become who people expect me to be instead of being who the Lord created me to be. I have learned to find my acceptance in Him and not other people. I have learned how to resolve conflict in a healthy way, and how to choose people and my perspective. So much of life is a choice. That’s not to say I still don’t struggle with those things from time to time, but God in His great grace has shown me how to get back to the Source when I’m running on empty.
So I suppose you might be wondering what all that means, and how it effects my next steps. For me, it means restoring relationships with people here at home. It means being humble and seeing the opportunities God puts in front of me here. Ultimately it means walking in the freedom Christ has given me and in confidence in who He’s made me to be. For you, it means having grace for me as I adjust to life here. You see, the World Race didn’t just take God out of the box, it took me out of my self-created box too. Free people don’t belong in boxes.
I wish I could spill out all of the amazing moments I got to experience this year into a blog post, but it is simply impossible. I would love to set up one-on-one time with anyone who is interested in hearing more about my journey, just let me know and I will make myself available.
I guess the last thing I have to say is THANK YOU for letting God use you to send me out into the world to help fulfill His purposes. I love you all, and it is good to be home!
Love,
Ash
