“Wow God. What a week you’ve given me. Lord you took the sword from my heart that claimed me a victim and put it in my hand and called me a warrior. You are a life giver, You are my source of hope. Ever present in trial and all consuming in love. Lord, as long as my pen reaches the paper, as long as my lips yield words I will praise you. I will praise you for the roots of ugly victim-claiming bitterness and anger that you ripped from my firm grasp. I will praise you for the family you’ve made me a part of Lord not just in my team, or my squad, or my church Lord but in your body of believers. Lord I commit my life to bringing your Kingdom here to Earth God because You are good, you are sovereign over my life. Jesus thank you for seeing me, thank you for reviving my spirit, for bringing life back into me.”
–An excerpt from my journal on the flight back home.
Every morning I wake up, I’m reminded that Jesus is Lord. He is sovereign and good and He loves me. With that knowledge, I have so much peace in my heart. In adjusting back into life after Training Camp, I feel like I’ve been given a new lens to see life through. I know that I can trust God because He’s shown me pieces of His heart.
Get ready because I’m about to throw another story from Training Camp at you!
The lights began to dim and my heart started to race– and not in the good way. I had been dreading this moment since the speaker started talking to us about the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Before he began to pray, he told us that some of us would experience overwhelming joy and begin to laugh uncontrollably, some of us would speak in tongues, some of us would have overwhelming peace, some of us would prophesy, etc. Then he started to pray for the Holy Spirit to pour out over us and break down our walls.
During that prayer, I began to say a prayer of my own. I prayed something like, “Lord I acknowledge that you can do anything but please please please do not make me speak in tongues, I need you to help me get through this, I don’t know what’s happening, I’m afraid, forgive me for my fear God, forgive me for my extreme hesitation, please ple–) and then it just felt like my crazy thought pattern came to a complete stop. My prayer that was manifested out of the fear of what God might do to me was interrupted by an indescribable calming peace that He gave to me. It was as if I were literally drowning in an ocean of His peace. I was so caught up in that calm serenity that I couldn’t continue to feel that anxious fear. I could feel Him speaking to my heart “I know you”.
It. Was. Wild. God knows me so deeply, and loves me so well, and gives me what I need. In that moment, He knew before I even prayed that anxious prayer that I needed to be swept away in His peace. He continues to do that for me even after Training Camp. There have been moments when I forget that this whole thing is about Him and not me, and I get caught up in my circumstances. In those times He reminds me by His peace that I am still His, and I can trust Him. He still knows me, and sees me, and He is still on the throne.
