If you know anything about me you know my love and passion for children. Throughout the years of playing with, loving on, teaching to, and learning from, my desire to see them grow into admirable, responsible, compassionate and Christ centered adults is ever increasing. My heart breaks when I see adults incapable of loving their children, which is just a result from the hard-to-break cycle of them themselves not receiving love when they were young. My heart also breaks when children act out in ways to draw negative attention upon themselves, because getting negative attention is better than none at all. This is where discipline comes in. This is where things get hard, in a world of selfishness and brokenness; discipline is usually out of frustrations at personal inward struggles, or impatience and lack of understanding of the situation.
As I gave them all the attention I could when I had the opportunity, they (as all children do) started to test how much they could get away with, how much attention, how much of my heart they really had. It started off as trying to snatch my glasses, hitting my legs even up to spitting when the previous issues were trying to be dealt with. When you have no common language the only thing I could think of was to say “goodbye” and “love you”, and head back home for the afternoon. Of course I felt terrible, I am only in Rwanda for a few weeks, I want to be with them! The following day it escalated where they snuck in under the fence as we were outside (just holding back giggles on that was difficult!) came over to us and did all the things that were reprimanded the previous day. After telling them to stop, bringing them back out past the fence I thought I was in the clear. Then there they come again, this time being ignored, as they took two chairs (three times the size of themselves) and attempted to get them outside the gate. This point we had to (after asking) pick them up and remove them from our yard. Tears were flowing, screams were hollering and heartache was coming from both them and myself. It broke my heart that they continued to act up to the point where disciplining them was in the form of not being with them. I sat there for a while after feeling so guilty, torn with doing what is right for their long term benefit of my short term satisfaction. Worried that they would no longer love me, want to play with me when I saw them in the road or smile when I told them I loved them.
“Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” Proverbs 29:17
Not much later were the rest of them coming up and playing with me, innocently and pure, the way they were made. The way it should be.
I know unless you are a mother, or someone who is wicked passionate about children this post may be just another blog you skim through. I know I am not yet an “official” mom but it is something that God is continually working in my heart and teaching me about. If Jesus says “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs to the Kingdom” (Mt. 19:14) then I take that as my full responsibility to love on, and help shape these little blessings from God, for His Glory.
