On August 11th my squad and I were sitting in a house worshiping through music when suddenly the earth shook. We were experiencing an earthquake. It is not my first one but it was the strongest one I’ve been through. We found out it was a 4.7 on the scale. Which isn’t much for the people of Nepal but it was a big deal for me. I looked around the room and there was terror and shock. No one imagined that we would go through one. Some people jumped up out of their seats getting ready to run out of the door. I just sat there in tears looking at my squad mates.
Saying I was terrified would be an understatement. My initial thought was that the four story building we were in was about to crumble on top of us. A dramatic thought, I know. But a reasonable one seeing as what happened in the recent past.
As I was sitting there I realized I was scared to die. I realized I did not fully trust the Lord with my entire life. I was not faithful in His plan. I was too selfish that if He wanted to take me right there I didn’t want to go.
Sitting there the tears in my eyes were getting bigger and bigger. I was able to hold it together enough not to break down thankfully when my squad mate leading music for the day began singing “No Longer Slaves” by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser.
The song says “I’m no longer a slave to fear / I am a child of God / You split the sea so I could walk right through it / My fears are drowned in perfect love / You rescued me so I could stand and sing I am a child of God” What perfect timing is that. He knew that I was fearful and allowed me to sing those words to Him.
Realizing all these things I knew I needed to make a change. I had given bits and pieces of my life to the Lord over the years but never my whole life. I knew the Lord was calling me to Him. So during our daily prayer time I relinquished my life to the Lord in full.
I have been reading the book of Acts and there is so much richness in it. Right after I allowed the Lord to have my life I read Acts 5. The passage I read read:
“When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death. But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. Then he addressed the Sanhedrin: “Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.” His speech persuaded them. They called the apostles in and had them flogged. Then they ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go.”
WHAT?! The bible literally says that if this Word wasn’t from the Lord it would pass. It has been thousands of years and it has yet to pass. How incredible.
Every morning after worship one of us has the opportunity to give a message. I decided that I would talk to my squad leader and volunteer to speak the next day and tell my squad the good news. I didn’t see her until way late at night and assumed someone had already asked her to preach. So the next day they asked for the person who was going to teach for the day to start. No one spoke up… Everyone looked around. No one was planned to teach. So I stepped out in boldness, without having brought my bible and my journal, and decided I would share.
I began telling my short story of what the Lord did. Through my tears I finally got out “I fully gave my life to Christ.” Clapping and shouts of joy began. I have never heard rejoicing quite like I did in that moment. My entire squad was rejoicing and in full support of me. It was beautiful. Afterwards my squad leader spoke some great words over me and told me that those shouts were nothing compared to rejoicing that was going on in Heaven. What glorious news!
I know I will still stumble. I know I will still be fearful, frustrated, annoyed and angry sometimes. But I do not have to walk in that anymore. He works in fear. He works in doubt.
I have the FULL spirit of the Lord in me, in my blood.
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” -Psalm 56:3
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” -Philippians 4:4
Thank you to my team and squadmates who were so supportive in that moment. Thank you for the shouts of praise you let out. Thank you for the hugs after and the “welcome” I got. You are so good to me. I will love you forever.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to the friends and family back home praying endlessly for me. It is more appreciated than you will ever know.
