I feel like I lost a few things at the World Race training camp besides my pillow and my green Nalgene–which I would love back. I also lost a fair amount of sanity and good sleep. But, above that all, I lost home. There’s that old saying, “You can never go home again,” which hasn’t provided a ton of relief in the past 24 hours. Great start. I haven’t started this World Race thingy and I’m losing an entire piece of my heart.
I’m not resentful. But, I feel as though training camp shouldn’t have done this to me. I thought, in the middle of the week at camp, that I craved a hot shower and a big bed. My stomach was growling, my toes were ever so cold and my ability to get sleep was less than non-existent. And, yet, right now, I’m sitting on my big bed after taking a hot shower and I’m wishing that I were anywhere but home. Some training.
But, I don’t think it has anything to do with the training. Or the sleepless nights. I think it has everything to do with absence.
Have you ever noticed that when you have very little of something in your life, you can still be incredibly satisfied? Have you noticed that having little is far better than having more?
For instance, have you ever fasted for a period of time, learned the lesson behind eating less and praying more, and then, after breaking that fast, realized how significant, how beautiful and how good of a challenge it was to go without?
Maybe I’m a nut, but I think God created humans for abandonment. It’s not that we should abandon one another or leave behind something we don’t want to deal with. But, it’s that when we chose to trust Him and give up things for Him, we can start to understand what it’s like to live in plenty. It’s a paradox: having less is actually living in abundance.
In a month, I’ll be leaving on this World Race trip for good. I won’t have any chance to complain about the sleeping arrangements or the menu. More than likely, I will have less—far less—than what I have access to in this moment. But, I’m praying that in the absence, I will find abundance, sleep and home.
I think Jesus knew that there would be 10,000 reasons to quit following Him. All of those reasons are logical, safe and worthy of consideration. But, I think Jesus also knew that not one of those reasons would give us abundance—true abundance.
So, for those of you who ache to have more in the absence, follow what He’s telling you to do today. Whether you sign up for a trip on the World Race or dare to love someone who has hurt you, go into all the nations. Even if you have to lose your green Nalgene along the way.
