Is it really okay to cry out loud, with tears streaming down your cheeks and say the hard, ugly things to God?
Have you ever felt complete freedom to just say the things that break your heart, not caring if the words coming out of your mouth are ugly and hurtful?
Why does it feel so wrong to yell these things and say “this is not okay, why would you let this happen, God?”
When I look at a little girl in the eyes sitting at a dump with her family with wild animals roaming through the garbage, and an overwhelming stench that almost knocked me over waiting for one of her only meals for the week. That national geographic picture in a magazine I once saw and quickly looked away in fear that this may be real somewhere, of a young face in extreme poverty no longer is just a picture anymore. It is something that you will never forget as it became reality…
When despair overcomes you as you look at the brokenness in a man sitting on the side of the road, that can barely look you in the eyes while he shares his story. Tears flowing down his face of being held captive with the chains of addictions for years, which has resulted in losing his family and any sense of worth…
When you hear 6th grade boys at school playing a game where they can’t talk and if they accidentally do that means they have to like “the ugliest girl at school…”
Then later you hear that a girl at school no longer goes to the beach (she lives on a little island surrounded by beautiful beaches) because she hates the way she looks in a bathing suit…
When you hear story after story of sex trafficking happening all over the world. Girls being sold at ages of 6 and 7 to have sex with grown men. This is the only life some girls may ever know…
When all you want to do is scream at the top of your lungs because you see innocent children stuck in abusive environments. The one place they are supposed to call home and their refuge is a place of captivity and hurt…
WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN GOD? WHY?
Why do some people get the luck of the draw and some don’t?
Am I a part of this broken cycle I am so angry about? Do I feed into this brokenness and enable these things to happen?
When I talk about my dissatisfaction with my body and wish that I looked a different way aren’t I just as guilty as the 6th grade boys making others feel like the “ugliest girl in school?”
Am I aiding in the problems in my life and others close to me who struggle with the balance of alcohol? I don’t say the hard things to people I love in fear hurting them or them no longer wanting to be in my life. Allowing my unhealthy need of people pleasing control my actions.
lament: to express sorrow, regret, or unhappiness about something
I grew up believing it wasn’t okay to express these types of thoughts out loud. This is so true, that I actually didn’t even know what the word lament was.
Mourning and grieving openly is pretty foreign to me. Did I really believe in my heart I was free to express these thoughts openly with God now?
But is that a real relationship at all if I can’t show all sides of myself and have those hard conversations with God. As I walk this journey, I know the things I continue to see will make me ask…
God why aren’t you doing your job?
Why are you letting this cycle of poverty, abuse, addiction,
and hate continue to happen?
But I now know that speaking honestly to God about my struggles and pain doesn’t change God’s truth of who He is. It actually brings authentic intimacy with my Father.
I may not ever get the answers to these questions but I do believe God will continue to mold my heart to see these things as He does. God didn’t bring these to my attention to just leave me in my anger and despair. I believe with all my heart God will continue to point arrows my way to help fight these injustices.
I listened to a sermon from Grace Midtown and it discussed this exact topic (God’s timing is so cool) it talked about the verse:
1 Corinthians 13:13
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Emphasis on love. Love gives us the freedom to be honest about being in the valley in the dark places.
50% of the book of Psalms is filled with stories and poems of people crying out to God “why is this happening? Where are you, God?”
Psalms 102
“A prayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord.”
Hear my prayer, Lord;
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
In my distress I groan aloud
and am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.
I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.
All day long my enemies taunt me;
those who rail against me use my name as a curse.
For I eat ashes as my food
and mingle my drink with tears
because of your great wrath,
for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.
My days are like the evening shadow;
I wither away like grass.
But you, Lord, sit enthroned forever;
your renown endures through all generations.
You will arise and have compassion on Zion,
for it is time to show favor to her;
the appointed time has come.
We need to stop having superficial relationships with one another, but most importantly stop having a superficial relationship with God.
Say the real and ugly prayers to God. SCREAM it if you need to with tears running down your face.
We need to stop the lie that grief is such a bad and ugly thing, and that if we are thankful enough it will fix all of our grief.
In Matthew 5:4 it says,
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
We have to stop trusting God in just the good times and only showing him the “pretty sides of ourselves” that we think He wants to see. Our strength is not enough to push through the times of suffering, if we actually let ourselves feel it.
