¤ I am quiet. ¤ I am shy. ¤ I am introverted. ¤ I am easily annoyed.
¤ I am sarcastic. ¤ I am witty. ¤ I am wounded. ¤ I am hurt. ¤ I am a student. ¤ I am an employee. ¤ I am a daughter. ¤ I am a
sister. ¤ I am a cousin. ¤ I am a granddaughter. ¤ I am a woman. ¤ I am tattooed and pierced. ¤ I am tall. ¤ I am a natural blonde.
¤ I am pale. ¤ I am a believer.
But all that really matters is who I am in God. This is
something that I cannot name off or list, because it is something that I just
don’t know. Currently I am in India and currently my behind is getting kicked
in India. I have been struggling with this question the whole trip…Who am I? Am
I the girl that I see reflected back in the eyes of all the people around me?
Do I make myself out to be the girl that people think I am?
While in high school I lost my identity. All the hurt and
all the pain was just too hard for my heart to handle anymore, so instead of
toughening it out, I clothed my heart and myself in identities that weren’t
mine. I used my style of dress as armor against people. No one wants to walk up
to that weird girl in all black with chains around her neck and black lipstick
lining her mouth. I became something that they disapproved of so that they
would just not want to talk to me. They could make fun of me, they could laugh
at me, but they didn’t talk to me and that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be left
alone, even though I felt lonely. I chose being lonely over being hurt. So my
heart became covered in all these identities that people gave me. I saw who
they thought I was in their eyes and that’s who I became.
I don’t know who I am. I don’t know, deep down, who God
truly created me to be. So I am seeking and wondering and waiting to find
out who that person is. To find out whom God created me to be.
