One of my favourite things to do is go back and read old journal entries to see what I’ve come through and my thought process through a lot of different challenges on the race. I thought some of you might like to take a look into my journal entries so I decided I would blog one.
Jan 13, 2015
“Sadie told me she had a bad night of sleep last night. (It rained a lot, and I’m sure her tent was flooded, along with a lot of other peoples.) It made me think of my worst night so far on the Race. When we did village ministry in Zambia. I didn’t think I needed my sleeping bag so I only had my small blanket. (It was freezing and I remember trying to get comfortable all night. Lesson I learned: Always take your sleeping bag. ALWAYS. It’s better to be overwhelmed with luggage than to not get sleep.) That decision would have been fine except I’m longer than the blanket. I thought about how uncomfortable that was and compared it to how His most uncomfortable nights felt. I have gone through nothing compared to His dying on the cross. I didn’t really complain in the moment and I didn’t try to process it then. As I sit and reflect on it though, I am so incredibly grateful for all He’s chosen to put himself through for me. And He would have done it for just me. WHAT? Why do I always forget the extent He went to just so I could live a life like I do. And why do I always turn back to sin?”
Something I’ve been learning lately is that God has a lot to teach me. He’s refining me and showing me different examples of how I can grow. It’s not very fun and the more messed up I know I am, the greater God is. The greater God is, the more I see how gentle and patient he is as my Father. Remember how I was supposed to be in Mozambique for January? Well, I never made it. My team was denied at the border so we ended up working another month in Malawi after spending several days in limbo waiting for word from the AIM base on what we were going to do. My journal entry continues.
“Speaking of the same sin, I have been avoiding time with You. I just think we are in limbo and you don’t have anything else to teach me for Malawi. Like somehow there is a limit on what I can learn in one country and after one month, you’re done teaching me. So with two months in one country, there is nothing for me to learn the second month. I do realise how silly it sounds now that I wrote it out.”
There is a sin I always go back to and I know when I see it creeping back into my life, I’m in a bad spot with Jesus. I write about that for a bit and share what I’ve learned through it.
“I know I am forgiven and you don’t hold it over my head. Thank you, once again for being patient and seeing my sins as equal. No sin is more unforgivable than another. Seriously so thankful, I can’t feel Your love enough right now. You never intended for us to go through things alone. We were made for community. We were made to go through tough things together. I want to remember this always. Thank you for giving me a community to trust. A community in which I feel comfortable sharing hard things. I know they will hold me to what ever I ask. These people whom you placed on my team are special. Thank you for them.”
Is there a sin you always go back to? You know, that one thing that’s easy to do? It could be spending more money than you have, or seeking approval from people, or maybe you have anger that isn’t manageable? Do you look to any relationship for comfort, needing them to make you feel loved instead of our Father? It might be something you’ve never shared with anyone before. I encourage you to share it. Find a friend to tell and give them permission to ask you how it’s going. The more our sins are in the light, the easier it is to overcome the enemy. Don’t listen to lies you’re being fed, spread light and share hard things.
A little Christmas video to make you smile. We spent Christmas in the bush of Africa, and haven’t had good enough internet till now to share with you our Christmas. Better late than never. Also, forgive the blurriness. Hopefully you get the point regardless.
