I have just come out of a very difficult season, filled with doubts and confusion. The worst part was not being able to hear or feel the Lord. As I went through the darkness, I clung to the promises in His word and my history with Him. As I studied His word, I clung to the notion that God was being very intentional about drawing away. A woman prophesied over me, saying God was growing my roots deep and through this “tug of war”, I was establishing a strong footing (just as you do in tug of war) in the Lord that would last for eternity. God did exactly as He promised. I walked through darkness to experience inner healing that I didn’t know I needed. I am walking in an incredibly new freedom, free from bondage I wasn’t fully aware I was in until I was out. With that, God has begun to speak in a clearer and more intense manner. He took me through the wilderness and I’m leaning on Him in a new and more intimate way.
I’m a few days into the second half of my internship at International House of Prayer and feel as if the joy of starting out this season was close to being stolen from me. This newness with the Lord compelled me to take up some false sense of responsibility, as if I had anything to do with it.
I’ve always been a dreamer, but it seems that over the past year, my dreams come in waves. I’ll either not dream at all or have several dreams in one night, each intense and clearly delivering a message. Over the last couple of weeks, my dreams have been downright overwhelming. They give insight and direction for not only my life, but loved ones, friends, and leaders around me. Furthermore, I’ve felt a heightened sense of discernment and have left conversations with an insight that can only be given by the Holy Spirit.
I began to feel a heavy weight and an overwhelming sense of responsibility. Surely, God wouldn’t give me such insight and seemingly invasive information into others’ lives if he didn’t intend for me to do something about it, right? What action was I to take? I went back and forth of whether I was supposed to give a word of knowledge, some prophetic encouragement, or just travail over the things the Lord was revealing to me. My heart was wrecked and my head was confused.
I opened up to a few close friends about some of the insight God had given me about unnamed people. I shared with them the intensity of dream-filled nights. With one conversation in particular, the confusion and burden lifted.
“Perhaps,” my friend said, “God just wants to share His emotions with you because you’re His friend.”
And it was as simple as that. God had shared joy, pain, sadness, excitement with me, simply because He found a friend in me. He wanted me to partner with the Son in prayer, yes. He wanted me to be an encourager, yes. But more than all of that, God was sharing His emotions with me because He created me for communion with Him. God made us to be His friends.
Over the last few months God has revealed Himself in many different ways. I’ve felt His heart as a Father which has changed my life radically. He has shown me who He is as the Bridegroom coming back for a pure and spotless bride. And in just this conversation with a sweet friend, I understood the honor of being His friend, which is simply knowing Him and His emotions. God cared about all the conversations we’d been having and found a friend in me. Yes, me!
Friends tell you how they feel. They invite you into their lives and share stories. You can often know how they feel with out them saying much and if you don’t, you can always ask. Friends share their feelings.
In my past, I struggled with wanting to fix others. I was now doing the same thing with the information God was giving me. I wanted to go fix these people instead of trusting His sovereignty. If He wants me to divulge any words to them, He will give the space, time, and even the dialogue, but even that will be from a place of rest and trust of Him who is in control.
It was as simple as that. I took a deep breath and said, OK God. This is how you feel. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for revealing Your character and Your very heart to me. Thank you for considering me your friend and confidant. I will pray alongside the Eternal Intercessor for these things on Your heart. I’m honored You’d consider me a friend.
