My issue with commitment has been a long running joke
between my friends and I back at home. I’ve always said that settling into a
routine makes me nervous. I tend to freak out when I notice my life is getting
consistent. Sometimes, I purposely switch things up just so I don’t have to get
stuck in a rut. Obviously, these are all great character traits to take into
consideration when determining whether or not to go on the race. You begin to
realize that your life will only become a routine for one month at a time. You
are aware (and constantly reminded) NOT TO HAVE EXPECTATIONS for the very
reason that plans are guaranteed to change. The word “flexible” becomes your
slogan for the entire race. Commitment to anything materialistic is out of the
question. Personally, these are things are all music to my ears. What I did not
expect was that attachment would happen despite lack of commitment…
It happened for the first time in Ecuador. I didn’t know I
was attached at the time. I just thought I was missing the family I had made
over that month because they were my first taste of what this new adventure was
going to look like. I thought they held a special place in my mind (which they
did and still do) but solely for the reason of being the first family I made on
the race.
But then, it happened again…in Bolivia…
The “first” excuse was no longer valid.
I fell in love with a dozen deaf boys at a school/daycare
that I was assigned to. Because I was learning how to develop minimal
relationships at a fast pace, I just thought I would become close to them and
then leave them…like the past two months. But no. I think about all those boys
all the time. I miss their smiles. I miss their laughs. I even miss the loud,
high-pitched screams they made to get your attention since they obviously just
couldn’t say “Hey! Pay attention to me.” I will never forget those boys and
still to this day, I want to learn sign language because of them. Because, they
taught me that silence can be beautiful at times.
Now, I find this happening once again. I’m recognizing the
signs.
I told myself at the beginning of the month to not pick a
favorite. I knew that my team would be working with gypsy families, which meant
children, which meant potential favoritism and eventually, attachment. So, I didn’t.
I played with ALL the children. Actually, I kind of ignored the ones I thought
I would easily get attached to. Needless to say, my least favorite village is
now the one that will be forever ingrained in my mind…because of those darn
kids.
I learned something new about this particular village. It is
made up of three main families. One mother looks to be about the same age as my
own mother. She has a boy named John who is about three and a daughter named
Christina who is eleven. Another mother is only 14 and has a baby girl named
Barbara. I am in love with that mother. (This is the same girl who began to
play Lauren’s guitar and sing “Jingle Bells” with us on Thanksgiving…previous
blog)
But my attachment is now deeply rooted in the 19-year-old mother of two
precious girls, Anita, age 5 and Timi, age 4…just do the math for a second. The
mother’s name is pronounced “Edeet” but I’m not really sure if that is what her
name really is. (Every time I ask her, I just hear “Edeet”)
It all started when she remembered my name after our
Thanksgiving visit. We used to go there about every other day but then we
started going to new villages and hadn’t returned back to this one after
Thanksgiving, until the other day. It had been at least a whole week since we
saw the families and Edeet STILL remembered my name. That means something to
me. Her girls smiled at me and let me hold them again, as if I had their
complete trust…something that is so difficult to gain in a world full of
jealousy, liars and thieves, the life of most typical gypsies. I’m in too deep
now. I have no commitment to them since I am leaving Romania in a couple days
but let me tell you, I am completely attached for life to that mother and those
two little girls.
The worst part…it doesn’t stop there…
I don’t think I even realized I was attached to Maria until
yesterday. It was our last day at (what I call) the “village with all the
kids.” (different than the one I was just talking about) I know John, or as all
the kids call him, Yoshi chose me as his favorite from the very first day. But,
there wasn’t a strong attachment there. It was probably because he seemed to be
the leader of all the kids. He would boss them around but at the same time, he
made sure ALL those kids were taken care of and respected by all of us. He’s
probably 10 years old. So, I felt like he didn’t really “need” me as much. So,
in the process of over analyzing the whole “don’t get attached” motto, I
accidentally got attached to Maria, the most beautiful little helper anyone
could ever have. I want to write all about her in this blog, but I think I am
going to dedicate an entire blog to her alone. So, please stay tuned…
